Ripped From My Heart

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On Thursday the 9th of July 2015, whilst driving Star to work, I received a call on my cellphone from Dad.

“Shookie, Mother Dearest passed away this morning.”

My reply was a descent into a heart-wrenching sob, whilst I dropped the phone and attempted the move my vehicle out of peak hour traffic into a quite side-road so that I could probably absorb the news.

My mother was dead.

Just like that. One minute she was a living breathing person on this earth, and the next she was no longer. Gone. Forever.

She has had been ill for several years, since the back op and subsequent four month stay in ICU whilst on a life support; and even more so in recent weeks with Mother Dearest refusing to eat and literally wasting away.

So you would think that I would have expected, if not welcomed her passing and end to her awful suffering.

Unfortunately, that has not been the case.

NOTHING could prepare me for the immense loss and grief I felt [and still feel] upon learning of her death.

I am most certainly relieved that she no longer has to live in such degrading circumstances and her extreme physical pain and discomfort left her body together with her last breath; but what about me?

I am left so heartbroken because no matter what issues I had with her [and I had plenty] she was still my mommy and grandmother to my kids. And the biggest shock is the absolute finality of her death; I cannot hug her one last time, I cannot kiss her one more time; I cannot share my good news again.

Even though I knew the last time I saw her
would be the last time I saw her,
I just want one more time.
Not to say goodbye,
but to say hello.

MOMMY

Mom

So go and run free with the angels
Dance around the golden clouds
For the lord has chosen you to be with him
And we should feel nothing but proud

Although he has taken you from us
And our pain a lifetime will last
Your memory will never escape us
But make us glad for the time we did have

Your face will always be hidden
Deep inside our hearts
Each precious moment you gave us
Shall never, ever depart

So go and run free with the angels
As they sing so tenderly
And please be sure to tell them
To take good care of you for me

~ Author Unknown ~

A Winning Weekend

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Another wonderful weekend spent with the love of my life!

Friday night was spent exactly as planned – following the meeting at Scouts with the other parents [all 5 of them – great to have so much support, she says sarcastically], we returned home and lay in bed watching movies on Kevin’s laptop. He wanted us to watch a horror, hoping that I would cling to him in fear; however I found it so far fetched that I laughed more than cringed. He on the other hand was bored that he fell asleep and I ad to wake him when it was time to go fetch K from Scouts.

We awoke early on Saturday morning … and by early I mean 06h30 [yup, gone are the days I sleep til 10h00 or later] and once we had bathed and dressed, we went out for breakfast – the most important meal of the day spent with the most important man in my life!

After a delicious brekkie and too many cups of coffee we hit the hardware stores in search of a striker plate for Angel and my bedroom doors, nuts and bolts for Star’s and the boys bathrooms doors, and Fisher plugs for the blinds in my bedroom that keep falling down.

Four hours and six hardware stores in the suburb and surrounds later, and we were no closer to finding the right sized striker plates. Either too big or too small, but none were the correct size for our doors!

With bursting bladders we had no option but to return home with the supplies we were able to obtain.

I was about to make us burgers for lunch, but before I switched on the stove, Kevin offered to open up the oven and stove and try fix the two plates that weren’t [and haven’t been for 15 years] working as well as one of the pilot lights for the working plate.

When Kevin opened the stove top I was absolutely horrified to see the hardened grease and insects inside!!! Ewww!!! However, I was quite delighted to find several missing teaspoons and a knife.

Whilst my man took the stove apart and fixed the pilot light and one of the plates [the other was too far gone for even my handyman] I had the arduous task of cleaning inside the stove.

Needless to say, once the stove had been reconnected, I made one less burger. No way was I able to eat after witnessing the nasty stuff inside the stove.

After lunch Kevin got stuck into the bathroom door. Drills, screws, nuts, bolts – what a turn on! For me and all the newly fixed items in my house!!!

The girls had a friend over in the evening and we all watched Get Hard together. One of the funniest movies I have ever seen, but in retrospect, properly not very suitable for the girls. Nevertheless, the five of us laughed until we cried tears.

Needing to recover from our embarrassment [if you’ve seen the movie, you’ll know why], Kevin and I went to McDonalds to buy the girls McFlurry’s and we got ourselves a Cuppacake each.

Poor Kevin was then subjected to watching Cinderella with a house full of girls, but not a peep of protest from him, in fact when the narrator said:

“Perhaps the greatest risk any of us will ever take is to be seen for who we truly are.”

he squeezed me tight and whispered that it was a risk we had both taken with each other …

*sigh* Where did I find this amazing man?

Oh! And more amazing news relating to my man … our family has a tradition for the Vodacom Durban July, going back to when it was still referred to as the Rothman’s July; every family member is allocated a horse by means of a draw; with cash prizes for 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th places respectively.

When my brother sent me the list on Thursday I was a little surprised but extremely excited to see Kevin’s name, as generally it’s only legit family members: us kids, wedded partners and our children … so to see that Kevin has made the cut and is considered family … *sigh*

I kept checking Twitter on Saturday afternoon as I had a good feeling about the race … and wouldn’t you know it … Power King [the most obviously choice for my man’s horse!] came in first!

We received a congratulatory message from my step-mother to say that he had won R550. Whoo hoo! The message further stated that he should spend it on himself. *hint hint*

I told him that he should use it towards the sneakers he wanted to buy, because every time he says he’s going to buy shoes he uses the money on either taking me out to eat, or fixing up my house. Not that I’m complaining, I’m extremely grateful, but he never spoils himself.

However he shook his head and said that he’ll use it towards our holiday next week. I reminded him that we would be in the middle of a farm with no shops in sight and we had already worked out our budget and put money aside for everything we needed so it wouldn’t be necessary.

What a man! Always always thinking of us and me, before himself. And because of his complete selflessness I have a surprise or two up my sleeve in terms of spoiling him on our holiday.

I’ve ordered us each a The One Ring [replica from the Lord of the Rings movies] to wear on chains around our neck. He doesn’t like gold, so I know he wouldn’t wear it on his hand; and since the supplier didn’t have a small enough size to fit my tiny fingers, I figured we could have matching pendants instead of rings. Truthfully, my intentions was to get them as Promise Rings. Corny I know, but we’re like teenagers anyway and I just know he’ll love the idea, even if we don’t actually wear them on our fingers.

lord_of_rings

I’ve also purchased us camera lens travel mugs, which I know he’s going to love! And in which I’m going to hide the rings! Hehehe, my turn to do some surprising and spoiling.

camera-lens-mug

Sunday was a very beautiful and blessed day … but I’ll get to that tomorrow.

I leave you with messages I received from my now flu-ridden man:

I had such a wonderful dream that you were mine, then I woke up smiling because I realized it was not just a dream.

I love you so much…

My angel i absolutely love the way we are moving forward in our relationship where we will be making promises to each other, really making our love for each other so solid… it makes me feel so secure with you in so many ways… i love you so much can’t wait for our holiday alone together X x x x x x

♥ ♥ ♥

The Full Moon

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Eleven weeks later and my heart still skips a beat when he sends me texts like this:

Love I can’t tell you how much you have changed my life and filled my life with so much love. I don’t know how I could ever repay you for saving me… I love you to the deepest core of my soul… X x x x x x

This was after spending an age chatting on the phone together whilst he drove home from a call-out, as I stood outside in my garden gazing at the juicy orange moon, looking ripe for the picking.

I was actually in the bath when he sent me a text alerting me to the brightness of the full moon. So I did what any other selenophiliac (thanks Kat!) would do …

I hastily jumped out the bath, grabbed the nearest towel, wrapped it around me and ran outside.

Having established that the moon was indeed as gorgeous as my love had declared, I returned indoors to properly dry myself off and put on my Batman onesie. Thereafter I returned outside with a bag in tow.

Lovers tarot cards. Check.

Rabindranath Tagore book of poetry. Check.

Large healing crystals. Check.

Box of smaller but equally precious stones. Check.

My love called me whilst I was laying out my crystals and stones beneath the moonlight, and we stayed on the phone for the duration of his journey home, with the moon lighting the way; and I did a tarot reading (would you believe the first card I pulled was The Moon!) for the upcoming month.

We briefly suspended the call when he arrived home so that he could cook a belated dinner for himself and K.

Once both in our respective beds, we resumed our loving conversation until regretfully saying our good nights.

So the message above came with some surprise a few minutes later. Unexpected but so heartfeltedly appreciated.

*sigh*

I am so happy, so in love.

Weekend plans:

Tonight: Meeting with Scouts parents followed by a restful evening at home with my love.

Saturday: Fixing of door handles (carried over from last weekend when we were too cold to get out of bed!) and as little else as possible.

Sunday: Family reunion at my folks place with my brother, sister-in-law and nephew up from Cape Town; followed by my loves best friends engagement party.

<3 <3 <3

You Have Just Woken Up With Me In Mind

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6013-good-morning-poems good-morning1SUBJECT: You Have Just Woken Up With Me In Mind

Good morning my sexy sexy lady

I love you so much, each day I wake up I cant believe how lucky I am to have to most amazing glamour girl in my life…

Thinking of you always…

Forever and ever….

P.S ONE DAY CLOSER

P.S.S I STILL LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND SOUL

Receiving such thoughtful and sweet emails first thing in the morning are definitely the next best thing to actually waking up in Kevin’s arms. Not a single morning goes by where I am not either in his arms when our dreaded alarms go off; or receiving a similar email with pictures and texts, sent long before my eyes have even opened.

I’m pretty sure that one of the major reasons for us getting on so well and having no arguments or issues in the months we’ve been together; the the constant sincere loving attention we shower upon each other every day. I know I absolutely blossom under his light and love.

*sigh*

70 days and counting

It’s almost weekend, which mean 60 consecutive hours with my Love! After taking the girls to Scouts this evening, we are going to return home and crash on the couch to relax and watch movies. Chances are we’ll both pass out long before we have to fetch the little ladies!

Tomorrow morning will revolve around some minor housework. I will be taking care of the laundry whilst my “husband” fixes door handles and hinges. *sigh* I love playing happy families!

I’m most looking forward to the evening as last night when we were chatting after I returned home from Spur, Kevin said that it was ridiculous that we hadn’t gone out on a proper date yet, and so he officially asked me out.

Ahhhhh.

It’s a surprise so I have no idea where he is taking me, but he said that it’s an opportunity for me to dress up. When last?!?! Although my winter wardrobe is seriously lacking in anything glamourous and pretty, unlike my closet of summer dresses. Not to stress, I will make a plan.

Yippppeee!

More good news … he’s just texted so say that his employer [aka his father!] has approved a week’s leave for him next month and he and Kevin’s mom will be happy to look after Kayla whilst we go away together for a few days.

We’re actually heading off to the same game farm I spent five days at last August [on my own];  however we’ll be staying in a different lodge.

For a unique and private experience try our bush lodge. This two or four sleeper unit is set in a secluded kloof and offers the ultimate in privacy. Set on 3 levels and raised into the tree canopy this unit has been built to blend luxury with the environment. It offers stunning views through the kloof of the Buffelspoort Dam and Valley. The prolific bird life in this thickly wooded area will give many close up encounters with our feathered friends.

There is sundeck linked to the kitchen where you can sit and relax or enjoy a meal. 

The bathroom has been designed in such a way to maximize the stunning views this unit provides. There is a large two person shower with windows looking out over the valley or lie in the Victorian Bath and enjoy the same vista.

It’s going to be sooo romantic! Sleeping up high on a four poster bed with mosquito nets, and waking up to magnificent views of the sunrise over the dam.  Long walks during the day to the rock pools a few kilometers away; and evening’s spent loving in front of a crackling fireplace while the sunsets over the mountain.

Heaven!!!

Have a wonderful weekend! I know I will.

♥ ♥ ♥

Weekly Work-Out

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Without demeaning my concerns by engaging in small talk, Kevin immediately launched into a conversation regarding his ex’s mother.

He stated that it was perplexing but nevertheless inappropriate for her to tag him in a post with a recipe for pancakes.

Pancakes? That’s OUR thing my love,” he wisely stated, leading to me to believe that it wasn’t their thing after all “So I don’t know why she would tag me in that post, especially a few days after trying to befriend you on Facebook.

Uh huh. Pancakes. I know.

I still don’t think she means any harm, but my priority is my relationship with my baby [that would be me] and I don’t want this causing any tension between us, so I think it’s best if I just delete her as a friend.

I was about to object, to say that it wouldn’t be necessary to take such drastic action and that it wasn’t really that big deal. But then I remembered my promise to both Kevin and myself – that I would never lie to him.

Whilst in the grander scheme of things, it really is no big deal for his ex’s mother to send me a friend request on Facebook, and who cares that she thoughtfully sent him a recipe for fluffy pancakes that he can try out on me …

Except in that moment, and the one counted the most; it did matter to me.

And for the first time, here was a man prepared to put my (albeit insecure) feelings above reason, without so much as a request, discussion or fight from my side.

So who was I to argue with that?

I merely uttered a breathless “ok my love” and our conversation smoothly reverted to our usual lovey dovey talk, catching up on our respective day and making plans for the week ahead. [and yes, he really did delete Maggie from his FB friends]

My love you take my breath away with all you do for me… I truly love you… X x x x x x

On Wednesday morning Kevin was up at the crack of dawn – actually even earlier – as he had to drive to the Free State for a site meeting; but he always starts his day with a gym session [I reap the rewards of his work-outs. Hehehe – nothing like a strong man who can sweep me up with one arm – *sigh*]

Morning my beautiful wife, i am leaving now from the gym to hit the road… i love you with all my heart… X x x x x x x

Soon my love we will be wrapped in others arms my love… i am still on the N3 about 30km from exit then still 2hrs left of driving… i miss you… X x x

Glad you staying home today you need your rest for when i come home to my wife and kiss every part of your body…. :-)

I love you so so so much… X x x

We had a very early night on Wednesday. Kevin was obviously very tired from the early start and long drive to the Free State and back, and I had been feeling ill all day so I was pretty drained. But that didn’t stop us from having a beautiful, loving, romantic evening together. *sigh*

Whilst he was in the kitchen on Thursday morning making us coffee [I am so spoiled – he always brings me coffee in bed – every single time he stays over] I quickly scribbled him a love letter and hid it beneath the t-shirt in his gym bag.

You complete me my love… i love you and i loved my message this morning in my bag… i love you so much, love being with you, every second we make it count…

I love you will all my heart and soul…

i love you X x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

:-D YOU CAN HAVE MY SURNAME AS YOU HAVE ALSO STOLEN MY HEART… I LOVE YOU MRS *SURNAME*… X X X

I had to attend and chair an AGM last night, but first I had to dash home to fetch Angel and take her to the local Spur as she was waitressing as part of a fundraising initiative for school. As she was the first in her class to arrive, I waited with her until other kids had arrived before leaving to fetch Star from work.

He had already started walking home as I was running quite late, so we met up at my supermarket so that I could buy him a ready made meal, as neither of his ladies were around to cook him dinner. From there I dropped him off at home and returned to the office to prepare for my meeting.

Hectic! But at least my love kept me company with plenty of texts.

That really sucks love… I hope all goes well so that you can get to A earlier than maybe get home earlier… just know your husband is thinking of you… I love you… X x x x x x

I love you so so so much… just want to hold my wife…

Love we see into each others soul angel and we drink from each others love fountain where we are always filled with happiness… X x x

Know my heart will always be yours forever and ever amen.. i love you… X x x x x x x x x x

The meeting ended much later than expected and I was so late getting to Angel at Spur, meaning that I couldn’t get a table and order a meal with her to wait on me. Naturally she was bitterly disappointed as she had been looking forward to this event for years … but what I can do? I have a hateful job at times.

It also meant that I couldn’t chat to Kevin, alternating between texts and calls as we usually do on the few nights we’re not together.

Hey my sexy wife just checking to see if all is going well… thinking of you always… I love you… if you sms me and i don’t reply means i have fallen asleep and you have to meet me in our dreams where i will be sailing our boat…. i really really love you… X x x x x

I was leaving Spur when I received that message, so I replied asking him to wait up a few minutes longer as I was on my own home and didn’t want to go to bed without saying good night.

As tired as he was, not only did he wait another 15 minutes for me to get home, but stayed on the phone with me for more than half an hour doing what we do best; declaring our undying love for each other.

♥ ♥ ♥

Flat as a Pancake

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Over the weekend I received a friend request on Facebook from an unknown [to me at least] elderly woman. As I had no idea who she was, I went to see if we had any mutual friends and noticed that we had Kevin, his best friend, and a friend of my parents’ in common and therefore assumed her to be an aunt or other family member of his.

On Saturday evening Kevin and I were chatting about Facebook and I mentioned the unsolicited friend request from one of his “friends”. He asked who it was, and not able to remember the name, I gave him my phone to check the request for himself.

“Oh that’s just Maggie, my ex’s mother.”

“Oh.” Eh? A bit of shock.

“She’s a very sweet lady …” and then I had to listen to how lovely she is and all the family time they spent together doing this and that.

I know that Kevin means nothing by it, in the sense that this is his past, and the ex’s mother never did any harm to him so he would have no reason to speak ill of her. And all respect to him for that, but do you really think I want to hear anything about my current man’s past?

Nope. I don’t. I still have way too many insecurity issues to handle that. I get that he has a past, hell I have a pretty colourful one myself; but I would prefer it to stay there.

“Don’t you think it’s a bit weird that she wants to add me as a friend on Facebook?”

I know I’m the worlds most suspicious person, but wouldn’t ANYONE be on high alert if their other half’s ex’s mother befriended them on Facebook??? – I’m seriously looking for answers here.

“I’m sure she doesn’t mean anything by it, so just ignore.”

“Ok, well you have my phone, do what needs to be done.”

Case closed.

Or so I thought.

On Tuesday morning I went onto Keith’s Facebook profile in order to post a romantic picture, however the latest post on his page put me off.

Maggie, the ex’s mother; had posted a recipe for pancakes on her profile and had tagged Kevin and her daughter – his ex.

WTF?

Now I’m sure she really is a sweet old lady, but why the hell is she tagging MY boyfriend with her daughter in a recipe for pancakes. The tagging was bad enough, but a recipe for pancakes of all things? PANCAKES! That’s OUR thing. So was it their thing too? *sob* I don’t want to know.

But of course with my mind racing in every which direction; my fingers followed too and I did a bit of Facebook stalking on her profile. Because I did want to know. Morbid curiosity and all.

Big mistake. As I could’ve told myself before I indulged in such self-destructive past. No good is ever to be gained in Facebook stalking.

Heading back eighteen to 24 months or so ago, I was confronted by many photos of my Beloved in the arms of another woman.

Argh. Why did I do this to myself?

From there it was a only a click and hop away to the ex’s unprotected profile, and I was punished by more photos of almost a year of them together; holidays, family functions, sunrises, sunsets, dinners etc etc.

I had no-one to blame but myself [and perhaps partly Maggie for opening Pandora’s Box], but once I get a bee in my bonnet, there’s just no stopping me.

So by the end of the day, I wasn’t just upset about Kevin’s ex’s mother attempting to befriend me on Facebook and tagging him in a pancake recipe, but I had worked myself up into a state about their whole relationship [yes, in retrospect, even I know how ridiculous that is … but hey, this is me we’re talking about.]

To increase my insecurities even more, Kevin and I hadn’t chatted as much as usual that day due to him having to travel to the North West for work, and when he finally returned home he was stuck with his father for several hours catching up on business [his dad had been away on holiday the week before].

Missing my wife… I love you so much… X x x I have to go to Bethlehem tomorrow for a site meeting. Will explain later when my folks leave my bedroom* Hahaha

Shame love, another very long day ahead of you.

My shortest text to him EVER! It’s called passive-aggression and I am her slave.

I felt a bit guilty at the previous curt text, so I emailed him some photos of us I had edited.

I sent you some pics on email …

Our power just went out so will have to see them in the morning now my dad still chilling here by me cause the tv only works in the lounge… :-( I want to call my wife …

Crapping evening :-(

Now officially the shortest text in Kevin and Harmony history

This evening is not turning out the way I want it. My old man is still here now watching crime on tv which I am not enjoying …

And you can’t exactly kick him out of his own lounge, so you’re stuck. :-( I’m not having a great evening either. :-( Missing you so much & feeling so far and distant from you today. Made worse by going onto FB to leave you a post bt seeing your ex’s mom posting you a receipt for pancakes. :S

Not five seconds after pushing send, my phone rang.

Kevin.

* his bedroom = his parents lounge.

Not sure if I blogged the story before, but his mother has emphysema [déjà vu ala Mother Dearest] and is permanently on oxygen; and his dad had a back op last year [another déjà vu ala MD] and so he and Kayla have been staying with his folks since last year in order to help look after them.

His mom has a carer on hand during the day to help her bath and get around, but in the evenings he has to step in as his dad couldn’t walk after the back op and when the power goes off due to load shedding, he has to put the generator on as his father hasn’t regained enough strength in order to do so.

This was all well and fine whilst Kevin was single, but since meeting me he has obviously been spending more and more time at my place. Fortunately the Universe Eskom has only seen fit to load shed on occasions when either her or the carer are home, so he hasn’t had to make any mad dashes to his/their home at an inconvenient time.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY‏

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As promised, here is the email that Kevin sent me on Wednesday morning, our 2 month anniversary.

SUBJECT: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

Love 1Love 2

My heart is burning with love, all can see this flame. My heart is pulsing with passion like waves on an ocean. My friends have become strangers and I’m surrounded by enemies, but I’m free as the wind no longer hurt by those who reproach me.

I’m at home wherever I am and in the room of lovers I can see with closed eyes the beauty that dances. Behind the veils intoxicated with love I too dance the rhythm of this moving world. I have lost my senses in my world of lovers.

— Rumi

 

Happy anniversary my love, you are my lover, friend, wife to be, you are my forever and ever

Amen

And just a few of the texts I received from the love of my life …

Thank you my love for making these 2 months being with you the best two months of my life… i love you with all my heart and soul… X x x x x x x x

Thinking of you always my love, i will take care of you for the rest of my life for better or for worse… i love you so so so so so much.. X x x x x x x

Just know i have the deepest love for you my angel. forever and ever. I will marry you… and you can steal my surname as you have my heart already…

I LOVE YOU MY WIFE… X X X X X X

I miss you too my love, my world only turns right when i have you by my side… i truly am madly in love with my wife… X x x

My day is going ok, the best part of my day is always hearing from my wife… i love you.

♥ ♥ ♥

You are my Soulmate

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This is the email I received from my romantic man on Friday morning. What a wonderfully inspirational way to wake up! And that reminds me that I must post the email he sent on Wednesday – our 2 month anniversary. Shoo – if only I could document every text, every email, every call, every visit, every look, every kiss every moment …

SUBJECT: YOU ARE MY SOULMATE

 image002

Song of Solomon 1:2

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— for your love is more delightful than wine.

Song of Solomon 8:6

Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. 

1 Corinthians 13:4–8a

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails …

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

1 John 3:18

Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.

1 John 4:18

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

YOU ARE MY SOULMATE MY LOVE, AND YOU MAKE ME FEARLESS FOR YOU ARE MY SOULMATE AND LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY SOUL AND HEART.

XXXXXX

Everlasting Love

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I fall in love with Kevin every single day, sometimes several times in a sun’s rotation. Between the early morning texts, surprise emails, daily song dedications; as well as the long loving calls in the evening – it’s no surprise that I’m absolutely smitten.

And that’s just the attention I receive on the few days a week that we’re not together. When we are, it’s all of the above [barring the evening calls] and his undivided attention and constant affection; the tool kit in action fixing items in my house; him joining me in the kitchen to either assist me making meals, or even taking over himself.

*sigh* There is just no end to the amazing goodness of this incredible man.

On Sunday I told Kevin my birth name [he already knows my Adoption Story], and on the subject of names I said that when we marry, I will also be changing my middle name.

I’ve never like it, such a plain Jane name that doesn’t suit me at all, and since it doesn’t even have any sentimental value to my parents, I don’t feel guilty getting rid of it.

No prizes for guessing what I’ll be changing it too, and it will still contain all the letters of my current middle name, but at least it won’t clash with Kevin’s surname which rhymes with my current middle name.

Later that night when he was back home, we continued chatting via text.

You see your name keeps improving to the last and final name you will have for the rest of your life… I love you… X x x x x x

As you treasure my name and the day I put the ring on your finger, I will treasure you with all I am…

I love you so so so much my love… we have the most amazing relationship i could ever have even dreams of … see you in our dreams… together forever and ever amen X x x

How could I not keep falling in love with a man who sends such sweet loving messages every day and night?

Yesterday I had such a hectic day. On top of a full day at work, we had Scouts in the evening – not that I’m complaining, because it gives Kevin and I an hour to spend together in the Scouts Hall.

However, straight after that meeting I had to dash home to fetch Star, so that I could drop the kids off at friends as I had a Scouts Committee meeting to attend to nearby their pals.

Kevin always offers to drive me when I have to leave my hood for meetings in other towns, and whilst I do take him up on his offer when it’s far or in a dodgy area, since I had Star with me, I wasn’t afraid to drive alone. I do however send him texts when I leave home, arrive at my meeting; when I finally leave the meeting and again on my return home.

In turn, I am rewarded with replies that make my journey so worthwhile.

I love you my angel and I promise I will take care of your heart and your well being… X x x x x x

Glad you safe my love… I really enjoy our time together I am so at peace when I am with you… nothing fazes me… I love you… X x x x x x

Long night my love… I am reading the book you sent me… drive safely love X x x… I love you…

My heart is filled with love my angel… I never felt so loved and felt like I mean something to someone like the way you love me… you are my world and my life… I love you… see you in our dream… X x x x x x

I love you… X x x

After a good night sleep [not as good as when I’m in his arms], I wake up to the sweetest emails. [that reminds me! I must post one of the emails he sent me on Friday *swoon*]

SUBJECT: Everlasting love

love

Good morning my love

I woke up with your messages this morning, for some reason for the past two days my alarms is not going off…

I just want you to know that you are my loving wife, I don’t know what I would be able to do without you, thank you for loving me and being there for me

I love you so so so so so much

♥ ♥ ♥