Interview News

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I promise to continue with the story of my birthday weekend [when time permits – this has been the busiest week at work ever!] … however I have exciting news that just can’t wait.

On Wednesday I received a call from the company where I attended an interview a few weeks ago, asking me to come meet the two directors for a second interview.

I had been expecting an email from the lady I met to set up an Skype interview with the CEO in Canada, so I was surprised at receiving a call for another in-house interview.

Nevertheless I naturally agreed to meet at the appointed time of 13h30 at their offices.

The interview was very much a repeat of the initial one; however instead of dismissing me after the obligatory Q&A session, they peppered me with questions regarding my notice period and bottom line on earnings

I informed that I was required to give a calendar months’ notice [not that I’m legally required – my contract actually expired and hasn’t been renewed, so I’m not officially employed – however, despite the poor treatment I have received from my current employ of late, I wish to do the right thing].

The directors then interrogated me, wanting to know what I would do if my boss counter-offered on their offer and I assured them that my reasons for wanting a move were more than financial and more than earning a higher salary, I in need of a need challenge in an environment where I could grow.

They asked me again what my bottom line was, and asked if I was prepared to reduce it, with a view of having my salary reviewed after three months; to which I acquiesced as I really want this job, and I am happy for the opportunity to prove myself first in order to earn my worth.

Before leaving, they said that they would confur with the CEO on Canada and then send me an offer either later in the afternoon or the following morning.

What? I got the job? Just like that? OMG OMG OMG!

I didn’t walk out of the building – I floated with a Cheshire grin, and it was very difficult replacing it with my poker face upon my return to this little hell-hole I call my office. But not for very much longer … because …

This morning I awoke to the expected email:


OFFER OF EMPLOYMENT

Hello Sharon

Thank you for taking the time to come to our interviews.

Finance Manager, Director 1 & Director 2 have wholeheartedly recommended you as someone we would want to join our company.

We have been blessed with drastic growth and hence your job description is broadly defined in the attachment.

We have been restructuring and hiring more people to help us fill the various positions and roles required by our organisation.

In time we hope to carve a path for you that is synergetic to both your personal aspirations and our company’s objectives.

If you are in agreement with the attached offer please sign it and send it to: director1@company.com

If you have any questions please contact Director 1 at xxx xxx xxxx or myself.

Hoping to hear favourably from you.

Regards

(CEO)

OFFER OF SERVICE CONTRACT

We have the pleasure to offer you a position within our company as per our previous discussions.

Position:
Administrative Manager

Functions:
Process Improvement, Procedure Maintenance, Internal & External support, Sales Staff Coordination, Customer Public Relations, General Administration, Recruitment, Project Management and miscellaneous day-to-day required functions within our company.

Commencement:
As mutually agreed but no later than Thursday October 1st 2015 @ 10 am

Monthly Package:
50% more than I’m currently earning

Allowances:
Allowances will be contemplated for a maximum tax benefit within the limits of the monthly package.

Commissions:
To be contemplated in due course depending on applicants contribution, advancement & company growth

Working Hours:
45 hours/week, 5 days/week. A 9 hour work day may fall into a range from 8h00-19h00 and weekends where applicable.

Overtime: Not applicable for this position

Benefit Types: N/A

Dress Code: Professional/Casual

Leave: As per market related norms.


〈 POSITION ACCEPTED AND KARMIC CONVERSATION TO FOLLOW 〉


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Friday Fails

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My birthday weekend got off to a bit of a rocky start, with two arguments with Kevin [no prizes for guessing the subject] being narrowly averted.

The first occurred when I was making chicken prego rolls for our dinner. He had forgotten that I don’t eat margarine, and so put the already-buttered roll aside stating that Kayla could have it later.

“Love, then wrap it back in plastic and put in the bread bin, because it’s going to be hard and stale by the morning.”

“Morning? I meant for dinner tonight.”

“Dinner tonight? Didn’t you feed Kayla before you took her to Scouts this evening? You can’t feed a child at 10 o’clock at night Kevin!”

“She’s not hungry at 5pm when we leave.”

“Then either drop her off at Scouts later, or at least make her a sandwich or something to take to eat before Scouts! Seriously Kevin, she can’t wait til after 10 at night to eat – that’s so unhealthy – and no wonder she can’t sleep – because her food hasn’t digested.”

Scouts only starts at 19h30, but she gets to the hall at 17h30 to spend time with the boyfriend, as I’m sure I’ve previously stated. I only drop Angel off at 19h00 and I ensure that she has eaten before hand, for reasons given above.

Anyway, I left it at that because it was the first time we’d seen each other since Wednesday’s tête-à-tête and I wanted us to return to being the sickeningly in love couple we were until a week previously.

We went to fetch the girls at 22h00 and on the way home Kevin stopped off at the garage to buy cigarettes. As he was getting out the car, he asked the girls what they wanted. Instead of giving him their shopping list, they asked to go inside with him.

He asked me if I wanted anything, and I just glared at him with icy eyes, instead of blowing the gasket boiling within me.

Really? After the almost-argument we just had about feeding your daughter late at night, you’re going to buy the kids sweets??? Food at that time is bad enough, but sweets – oh my god, you’ve got to be kidding me! Don’t you bloody listen???

I said nothing all the way home and climbed straight into bed and ignored his advances when he joined me after his last smoke for the night. I even wore a onesie to bed to make it even more difficult for him to attempt any approaches of a sexual nature.

ACCESS DENIED


Sleep ’til you’re hungry, eat ’til you’re sleepy.
~ Unknown


As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.
~ Buddy Hackett


Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.
~ Jim Davis


Anybody who believes that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach flunked geography.
~ Robert Byrne


Nothing would be more tiresome than eating and drinking if God had not made them a pleasure as well as a necessity.
~ Voltaire

Stale Mate

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After dropping the girls off at Kayla school at 18h30, Kevin and I returned home for dinner.

Serving him his favourite meal – chicken giblets in a very hot peri-peri sauce [yes, I’ve learned how to butter men up, and it’s true what they say about the way to a man’s heart …].

As soon as he took his first bite into a liver, I got started.

So you had your say last night, and as you may have noticed I didn’t say anything in response to why you were upset. However I noted that there were two issues that I was seemingly involved in, so I would like to address those now.

You noticed that I was upset on Sunday whilst cleaning up … well let me tell you why I was so cross …

I told him in great detail my concern and irritation at Kayla always forgetting her school uniform at home; and I gave him my two assumptions – that either he hadn’t told her our schedule [which he denied] or that she was irresponsible [which he denied].

His premise was that she was purposely not bringing it. So I told him that if that was the case, he needed to talk to her to find out the underlying reasons why and resolve it. Whilst this is his issue and not mine, is affecting me, which he initially contested, but when I explained the inconvenience it causes to MY weekend too, he saw my point of view and promised to discuss it with Kayla.

The next point was Kayla and Adrian. He admitted that he saw them and wasn’t comfortable with their actions but felt that there was a time and place to discuss it. So I asked if he had brought it up with her since Sunday, and he admitted that he hadn’t.

This pissed me off even more, because if it wasn’t the right time at the time; he had Monday morning on the way to school with her to talk; the Monday night [oh wait – he had taken a time out]; the Tuesday morning, the Tuesday afternoon, evening and Wednesday morning. So exactly when would be the right time?

I accused him of being far too lenient with Kayla, which led to an argument about how tough her life had been with her mother and what an adjustment it was for her to live with him.

And I told him that this was even more reason to pull in the reigns with her as he was asking for trouble by giving her all the freedom he does, and that he wasn’t doing her any favours by letting her having her way all the time. He denied this, and I truthfully told him that I had never in my life met a parent as pliant as he is.

Daddy I want a new phone and it must be an iPhone 6 S.

Ok darling, here’s your phone.

Now what 13 year old needs the most expensive, top of the range phone??? I’m sitting with a 5 year old Blackberry Torch which [mostly] does its job just fine

Daddy I want take-away’s three times a week.

Ok sweetheart, anything you want.

Daddy I want to sleep at my boyfriends house.

Ok my angel, of course you may.

Daddy I don’t want to make my bed.

Ok love, I’ll do it for you

And so it goes.

This then led to me bringing up her disrespect for him in the way that she issues demands and refuses to do things; and does so in such a rude manner that even I cringe.  He starting denying this too, until I mimicked the way she spoke to him on Sunday night, refusing to go home to fetch her bag. Funny how I got raised eyebrows at my tone, but when she speaks to him in the same manner, it’s acceptable.

He said he was so used to women in his life talking to him like crap, that he doesn’t notice it when he daughter does it. Bull shit.

I told him that he can’t expect me to sit by and listen to her disrespect my boyfriend like that, and if it had been anyone else that had spoken in that way, I’d have called them out on it, but because it was his daughter, I expected him to do so.

He still doesn’t see that it’s a problem, and says that she speaks to him like that all the time and it’s just a joke.

Jaysus dude! Seriously? Is that how you want your daughter to grow up?

Again there were excuses of her mother, and that’s how she grew up, but that she was making progress [I’d hate to know what she was like before he lived with him then!]. We reached a bit of a stale-mate as he doesn’t see this as a major problem, and I told him that I would speak to her about it if it was done in my presence again.

Finally we got onto the issue of Kayla not making the bed in the mornings. Again, he was defensive on his daughter saying that perhaps she didn’t understand the instruction.

This is when I lost it and nearly tippled the entire hot pot of innards on his head.

I asked him what could possibly be misinterpreted by “you are not leaving here until your bed is made” and being told it THREE times.

He still insisted it was purely a misunderstanding and that she wasn’t intentionally disobeying my instructions.

Then I asked him why he didn’t just leave for work at his appointed time and let me to take her to school. A block away from Angel’s school, it’s hardly out my way … and his reason …

Because she has a routine of being at school at 06h45 and I don’t want to disrupt that.

So it’s more important for her to be at school at hour early to meet up with her boyfriend than to attend to her chores?

Can you believe that he actually had to think about that, and insisted that her routine shouldn’t be altered.

Realising that I was fighting a losing battle, I told him that I had a perfect solution to the problem of Kayla always forgetting her school uniform and not making her bed on a Monday …

That they should go back home on a Sunday evening and not stay over at my place.

He didn’t even object and agreed that they would do that until the problem was solved.

Great – nothing like letting a spoilt teenager dictate the pace of our relationship.

Before Kevin left for work this morning, with Kayla in tow; he came to inform me, with a big smile on his face – that Kayla had made her bed. It just happens to be the day when the maid comes in and the bedding is changed – but hey – it’s a start.


The Phone Call – Part 3

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Studio portrait of couple arguing

The Phone Call – Part 1

The Phone Call – Part 2


Kevin continued his tirade, adding that when his workers returned to the house/office, they had complaints about clients and other work-related issues.

I know all about work problems, what with all the drama happening in my little hellhole; two resignations in a month, my assistant being let go this afternoon [and he still doesn’t know] and my Boss is going to be overseas in September so I’m fortunate enough to be given her portfolio. On top of mine, and my assistants. And I haven’t heard back from the company I interviewed at.

But this is not about me, it’s about Kevin and his problems.

Then he was upset because he’s mother is very negative and had one of her rants about the state of the country, which upset him. And so, not wanting to face any further discord, he took himself off to bed for an early night.

Understandably so, and I’d have done the same thing under those circumstances. However I’d have had the decency to call or text my boyfriend to let him know that I’d be holing myself up and avoiding the world for a while; and not merely disappear without word of warning and leaving his imagine to run wild. But hey, that’s just me.

So did I over-react in my accusations of being ignored and avoided? Absolutely! It’s no secret that I have a flair for the dramatics, and I did warn Kevin from the get-go that I’m a drama queen, an insecure one at that.

Still, his avoidance felt more like an accusation that I had contributed to his bad day. With regards to Sunday, if he was so concerned about why I was upset, he should have approached me instead of sitting on the couch watching a series.

However I suspect he didn’t because he knew exactly what was irking me, and to confront me on it would mean facing the real issue at hand. The same goes for him being late for work on Monday morning. I cetainly didn’t make him late.

Anyway, Kevin apologized for shutting me out and not letting me know what was going on, and agreed not to do so again – all I’m asking for – case closed.

Except that there are still glaring underlying issues, which makes his smoking such a minor triviality.

*sigh* the honeymoon period is clearly over and now the hard work begins.

The girls are going to watch a production at Kayla’s school this evening, and Star is out every night since purchasing his first vehicle [yes, can you believe my child bought his own car!!! I’m so proud of him!] so we’ll have the house to ourselves.

Since I’m not feeling very amorous towards Kevin after the past few days of tempests in teapots, I might as well use the opportunity to speak to him about the issues regarding Kayla.

I think I’ll start by telling him exactly why I was upset on Sunday – from Adrian being invited to the braai when Kayla knows very well that he’s not allowed to visit; to them cuddling on the blanket.

I still feel sick to my stomach even thinking about it. I’m no prude, but no 13 year old should be up close and personal with an 18 year old! And if this is how they carry on in front of us, then I shudder to think what’s goes on behind Kevin’s back.

Remember she’s at school with him from just after 6 in the morning … and Kevin drops her off at the Scout hall two hours early on a Friday when it’s just the two of them. So what those two teenagers get up to with all those hours together … just saying.

I’ll mention that I was upset with BOTH girls, at them not tidying up after the braai, as they were both supposed to get stuck in and neither did; leaving it for me to do. I can only crap on my own child for not doing her duties [which I did] but I can’t say anything to Kayla.

As for her not offering to make me anything to drink whilst offering her dad, I’m not going to make an issue of that. I went ahead and made my own coffee anyway. No biggie.

Now with regards to Kayla always forgetting to bring her uniform on the weekend, I’m going to suggest that they rather go home on Sunday afternoons.

That way she doesn’t need to remember to pack additional clothes and bags, and we aren’t inconvenienced with Kevin having to dash home every weekend to fetch her forgotten items. And it will also solve the Monday morning issue of Kevin being late for work because Kayla doesn’t make her bed.

Then the ball is in his court – if he has a problem spending less time with me, then he needs to instill discipline in his daughter.

Is she’s mature enough to be in a relationship with an 18 year old boy then she’s damn well mature enough to remember to pack her school clothes!

Ok, that’s my rant over.

For now.

The Phone Call – Part 2

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The Phone Call – Part 1


So, back to the pool – Kayla mentioned they have to go back home AGAIN to fetch the bag, to which Kevin just agrees. By now I was highly frustrated. I had already missed time with him that morning when he left to go home; I was also irritated at her canoodling with Adrian, and even more horrified that Kevin seemingly has no problem with it; and the cherry on top was that he was leaving again to go home to fetch her bag.

But I kept quiet, as it’s not my place to discipline his daughter, nor advise him how to raise her. However, unable to stay at the pool area with my eyes in need of bleaching, I suggested that we return home and the kids could come down when they’re ready.

They weren’t far behind us, carrying the left-over food, braai tools and unopened cool-drinks. Which all got plonked on the kitchen counter for who to pack away?

Once inside, Kevin told Kayla to get ready to leave to go fetch her school bag and she refused to go, not wanting to leave her boyfriend, and demanded that her father go fetch it for her.

Which he did! He didn’t tell her off for giving him marching orders, didn’t take her aside and speak to her about her cheekiness to him in front of myself, Angel and Adrian. No sirree, he picked up his car keys and went to his place to fetch her bag, leaving me at home with the kids … and the mess.

Thankfully Adrian was fetched soon afterwards, and I left the girls with instructions to clean up whilst I go for a hot bath.  Kevin returned whilst I still bathing and watching Girls [scary how much I can relate] and he went to sit in the lounge with Kayla.

When I climbed out the bath, Angel went to shower and I found Kayla and Kevin in the lounge watching Grimm on his laptop. I noticed that all the packets from the braai were still lying on the kitchen counter, so I started tidying up.

I packed all the left-overs in Tupperware containers and put them in the fridge, along with the cool-drinks; and then washed all the cups and cutlery from the braai, as well as the bowls from the kids breakfast.

Whilst busy in the kitchen, Kayla came in and put the kettle on to make herself a cup of Milo, and called out to Kevin offering him a cup of tea, which he declined. I never received such offer. *shrug*

Once the dishes were done, I mopped the floor and did a load of laundry.

Angel then came out of the shower and I told the girls to go tidy up the bedroom, with a reminder that the more they do tonight, the less there is to do in the morning, as the beds WOULD be made before they left for school.

Whilst I didn’t tell Kevin, on Sunday or last night, why I was in a bad mood on Sunday; based on the events described above, did it really need saying??? Could he not see for himself what is clearly in front of his eyes?

So – that was where his bad mood started – noticing me in a bad mood and not knowing why [seriously?]; and the second was being late on Monday morning – which I have already elaborated on in great detail.

Already my blood was boiling on the phone, as he was intimating that the above issues were of my causing … however I can clearly see another common denominator, which he refuses to.

The next issue was the suspension of the phone service, and the subsequent loss of internet. Understandable for Kevin to be upset, as it puts a halt to his office work, which he does on a Monday, as the rest of the week he is on site attending to installations and services.

The net hitch was Kayla’s stolen school bag. No further details in this regard were given, other than what was said passing in the cars yesterday; but yes I can understand why he’d be upset that her school bag and contents were gone, as he’d have to buy her a new bag [he didn’t – the boyfriend did and got his brother to drop it off at my place yesterday] and arrange for copies of the all books etc.

But wait … there’s more …

The Phone Call – Part 1

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I finally received the call from Kevin at five to nine last night. I was not happy at having to wait all day for his explanation, so I was even less than impressed that he called so late in the evening. A tad inconsiderate if you ask me.

He said that he had to wait for his parents to leave the lounge, but I don’t see what was stopping him from taking a leisurely walk around the garden. Plenty of privacy and no snow or icy weather according to my forecasts.

He attempted small talk, but I asked that he rather tell me about his day on Monday so that I could have a better understand of his actions.

According to Kevin, it all began on Sunday evening, as he noticed that whilst doing the housework I was huffing and puffing and clearly not in a good mood.

I didn’t want to interrupt his tale, so I didn’t get to tell him why I was not impressed, but here’s my story:

On Sunday afternoon we had a braai at the pool and I told the kids that they could each invite a friend. Angel invited a pal from Scouts and Kayla invited her boyfriend. I was not happy with this as she had been forbidden from having him over due to previous incidents, and when I said a “friend” I naturally meant a female companion.

Nevertheless, assuming they couldn’t get up to much at the pool in our company, and since she had already invited him, I bit my tongue and the six of us had the braai as planned.

I made the potato salad and Kevin did the braaiing, and the arrangement was that the kids clean up afterwards by bringing everything home from the pool and packing things away.

Lying on the sleeping bag near the pool, Kevin fell asleep whilst I read a novel. Every now and then I would raise my head to check on the kids; and one such moment I saw Kayla and her boyfriend lying on a blanket together cuddling and touching each others faces rather intimately.

Now I’m sure I’ve mentioned before that Kayla is 13 years old and her boyfriend a few weeks shy of 18. I don’t approve of their relationship, but she’s not my daughter so I don’t get a say in the matter.

Anyway, upon seeing the cuddling couple, I woke Kevin up to witness it himself and put an immediately stop to it, as I was not going to do any reprimanding or dragging off of teenage boys. However, Kevin just got up and went to the braai to check that the coals were out.

Absolutely nothing was said to the kids about their behaviour, despite it being in full view of us.

Whilst lying up against her boyfriend, Kayla chirped to her father that she forgot her school bag at home and so they would need to go fetch it. This was now 4pm on the Sunday night and they had already been back to his place in the morning in order to fetch her school uniform because she had forgotten that!

As she does EVERY weekend. Last weekend she also forgot her school clothes, and Kevin had to travel 40 minutes there and back to fetch it. Oh and she forgot it the week before that too, so they ended up going back home early and staying there, and the weekend before that too. Pattern emerging?

So my issue is that either Kevin has never sat her down and told her the weekly routine – and that is that they spend every weekend at my place and she leaves from my place to school on a Monday morning [which has occurred for all of the 4 months we’ve been together, so it’s nothing new]; or she is just irresponsible and doesn’t remember to pack what is needed.

Either way it’s a problem that requires resolution because as much as it’s Kevin’s problem to handle, it is affecting me because Kevin either goes home early on the weekend and we don’t get to spend all our planned time together; or our plans are disrupted as he has to make unscheduled trips back to his place.

Argh! But it didn’t end there

Marilyn Mourns for Mother

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On the day of Mother Dearest’s Memorial service, Kevin gave me several dozen red roses and I put some of them in a vase on my bedside table, beneath a portrait of Marilyn hanging on my wall [one of many].

Naturally I took photos of my beautiful blooms with a view to brag about them on Facebook. I can’t remember if I ever did, but I was going through pics on my phone last night and I came across the above pic.

I didn’t notice it at the time, but MM is clearly shedding a tear.

MM Crying

Mother Dearest passed away on the 9th of July 2015; and on the 9th of July 53 years prior, MM gave her very final interview. Less than a month later she was dead.

Co-incidence? I think not. Some would think this quite creepy, but strangely I find so much comfort in the [irrational I know – no need to remind me] thought that MM too was mourning for Mother Dearest, as I certainly cried a river of tears that morning.

RIP MOTHER AND MARILYN

[I’m sure what happened is that I spilled water on the canvas when placing the vase down and perhaps the watermark wasn’t visible at the time – at least to the naked eye, but the camera certainly picked it up.]


No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.
~ C.S. Lewis


My feet will want to walk to where you are sleeping but I shall go on living.
~ Pablo Neruda


The darker the night, the brighter the stars, The deeper the grief, the closer is God!
~ Fyodor Dostoyevsky


Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak knits up the o-er wrought heart and bids it break.
~ William Shakespeare


In sorrow we must go, but not in despair. Behold! we are not bound for ever to the circles of the world, and beyond them is more than memory.
~ J.R.R. Tolkien


WTF Texts and Phone Calls

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angry-phone-woman

Hi Love.

[Like nothing’s wrong]

Hi.

Is something wrong?

[you’ve got to be fucking kidding me???]

Yes.

Silence.

Why are you ignoring me?

I’m not ignoring you.

So what do you call not speaking to me yesterday afternoon, evening and night; not even responding to my messages?

I had a bad day.

So you felt you should just distance yourself from ME when you’re having a bad day?

Yes, that’s how I get.

Oh, so I should expect this again in the future? When you’re having a bad day you’ll just take it upon yourself to avoid me?

Yes.

Oh. Well fine. You need space? Have all the space you want!

With that, I ended the call and switched off my phone.

Worried that my alarm wasn’t going to alert me when to get up, I switched it back on and the following text came through:

05:39 – Well you know i had a off day yesterday well if you think means space without actually knowing what happened then might as well take all the space we need… (sic)

Whilst re-reading the text for any clues as to what the fuck was going on, my phone rang.

Hello.

Hello.

Silence.

More silence.

Possibly a minute or two of more silence.

So?

Silence.

What’s going on?

Nothing. I had a bad day.

How does that fit into ignoring me and not taking to me?

I HAD A REALLY SHIT DAY AND I NEEDED TO BE ALONE blah blah blah

When someone raises their voice or tone with me, I tend to tune out, and I certainly wasn’t going to listen to Kevin give me grief about the shit day he had, for which I was receiving the blame. Especially as he still wasn’t telling me what the actual problem was!

With no point to the phone call, we said our goodbyes. But soon after, I received another text.

05:53 Maybe if you had call last night to find out why my day had turned out shit today would be an other shit day for both of us now…. (sic)

Is this the same man that until now had only ever sent me the most romantic, beautiful, loving texts???

05:58 – I had sent SEVERAL messages to you last night trying to reach out to you, all of which you ignored. And if it was such a bad day I should’ve been the FIRST person YOU called out to, to make you feel better. I thought that was the point of having a ‘wife’. Not ignoring her & not letting her know what’s wrong, because without being told, how on earth am I supposed to know?

06:02 – I will talk to you later dont carry this today as when we talk later i will explain who this all started from the time i had to leave your place yesterday morning… (sic)

Well that certainly helped shed light on the situation. Not.

After several hours of stewing and unable to concentrate on my work, I sent Kevin a text.

10:50 – My heart is literally aching & its taking all of my might not to let the tears fall. We have never  had distance between us, never not said good night or blatantly ignored each other. One minute we’re wishing each other a Happy Anniversary & without warning you turn from me, without even a word of explanation. I am the one person you are supposed to turn TO, not away from. Isn’t that part of the promises we made to each other? & it hurts most because of the special day it was supposed to be. I know you said we’ll speak later & you’ll explain bt in the meantime I’m disappointed that you couldn’t talk to me about this yesterday & heartbroken that there’s this huge abyss & coldness where just days ago it was warmth & PERFECT.

11:04 – I know you are right my love i should have explained i allowed my emotions to get the better of me the main reason i did not want to call is i was worried that you and i would get into it which it has turned that out that way anyway i should spoke to you earlier but i was really upset yesterday how my day turned out i of the reasons i went to bed earlier, I will call you later my love i don’t want this to happen to us. I do really love you.. and you will still be my wife…Xxxxxxx (sic)

11:16 – You can’t avoid me out of fear of us arguing. We’ve made a commitment & promised that we’ll get through any issue that comes up by talking about it & until now, that’s what we’ve always done, hence why there’s never been a reason to argue. The last thing you said when you went to sleep on Sunday was “we”ll get through anything together.” I love you Kevin, wholly & completely bt you can’t expect me to be sitting happy at home while I’m being totally ignored for reasons I’m not even aware of. That’s very unfair to me, to US. I’ll be glad to hear you out so that we can resolve whatever the issues are and move past this. XxX

MEN!!! I thought I was done with the all the drama and bullshit in relationships. I still don’t have a cooking clue what’s got Kevin all riled up and taking his fucking frustrations out on me.

Being an ear to hear out his problems – by all means; I’m even happy to be the proverbial shoulder to cry on. But bearing the brunt -and blame- of his bloody bad mood? Uh-uh.

Since he hasn’t replied to my previous text, I now have to (im)patiently wait for his phone call tonight with an explanation and hopefully an apology too.

Edit: Oh and I have just seen him. As I was leaving my complex after dropping Angel off at home after school, he drove into the complex.

So naturally I stopped and wound down my window to find out what he was doing there. He replied that he was fetching a bag for Kayla [who was sitting beside him, and whom I might add didn’t even acknowledge my presence (???)] because her bag was stolen from school yesterday, and didn’t I know that.

Yes, of course I knew that – you told me last night when you called.

Oh wait …


Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
~ Phyllis Diller


The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off.
~ Gloria Steinem


My tongue will tell the anger of my heart, or else my heart concealing it will break.
~ William Shakespeare


There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.
~ Patrick Rothfuss


Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
~ Gautama Buddha


Unhappy Anniversary

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Sad Woman PhoneWell things have gone from bad to worst, without even making a stop at worse.

I was so proud and pleased that we had got this far into our relationship without so much a hiccup; 122 days of pure bliss and love, and within a blink of the eye we’ve had our first fight and are not talking to each other.

Yesterday morning Kevin left my place in a bad mood, because he was late. The reason he left late was because I told him that the girls were not leaving for school until Angel’s bedroom was tidy and the beds made. I had told them this on Sunday night and they assured me they’d get up early to clean up.

Kayla and Angel go to school at different times, because Kevin drops his daughter off early on his way to work so that she can spend time with her boyfriend; whereas I take Angel to school 45 minutes later.

I have on many an occasion offered to take Kayla to school as it’s next door to Angel’s school, but she is very insistent on going very early, for reasons explained above.

Nevertheless, when the girls didn’t get up earlier as promised yesterday, I wasn’t perturbed as there’s was plenty of time for them to get ready, clean up and get to school without inconveniencing Kevin, as he could have left at his usual time, with me taking the girls later, and still on time for school.

Oh and the reason I was so adamant about the girls [note the plural] tidying up was because Kayla NEVER makes her bed when staying at my place. She wakes up in the morning, gets dressed and leaves; with a wake of blankets, pillows and duvets in her wake.

Angel then faces my wrath as I expect her to keep her room neat and tidy and so if Kayla doesn’t clean up after herself, it’s left for Angel to do. Not fair at all, but Kayla’s attitude is that she doesn’t have to make her own bed at home so why should she have to do it at my place.

Not only does she not make her own bed, but she doesn’t do any chores whatsoever at her place. Kevin’s reasoning being that they have a full time maid so she doesn’t have to do anything, whereas I only have a helper once a week. That being said, even if I had full time help I would insist that the kids have responsibilities in the house, not least of all maintaining their bedrooms.

As it stands, Star is responsible to wash dishes during the week, and does laundry [washing, hanging up, folding and packing away] over the weekend; and Angel does the laundry over the weekend [with my assistance] and cooking during the week when I have meetings in the evening. On top of that, they have to make their own beds and keep their bedrooms tidy at all times; and clean up after themselves in the bathroom.

Anyway, back to Monday morning. Kevin wanted to leave and I asked if Kayla had made her bed yet. I asked him to check as I was in the bathroom getting ready myself. Turns out she hadn’t made the bed, so instead of insisting that she do it herself and then go to school later with me, he did it for her, because her going to school with me at a reasonable time is not acceptable because she won’t have an hour with her boyfriend [this is another issue for another time].

Not long after he left, Kevin sent me a text:

Happy anniversy my love… X x x x x

And I responded.

♥ Happy ♥ Anniversary ♥ I ♥ Love ♥ You ♥

Not our wordiest texts, not by a long shot, but he was driving at the time, and I was getting ready for work, so it’s understandable that we didn’t take advantage of every character available.

He usually sends me an email when he arrives at work [which is his “other” home], with inspirational and motivational messages and pictures for the day, however yesterday I received nothing. I thought nothing of it, assuming he was really busy at work.

Just after 10h00 I received a phone call from Kevin and he explained that the reason he hadn’t emailed me was because the phone line had been suspended due to non-payment and obviously the internet works off the phone line.

His dad, who attends to the payment of bills, had been sent out to Telkom in order to make payment and so Kevin couldn’t do any work until such a time as it was sorted.  I suggested that he use the time to finish his book and he agreed that it was a brilliant idea, since he had the time to do so.

We ended the calls with “I love you’s” and “speak to you later” and as far as I was aware, everything between us was as perfect as always. I thought nothing of the morning’s irritations, as Monday Morning’s are notorious for being blue.

Missing him a while later, I sent a loving message, however I didn’t receive a response. Missing him even more a few hours later, I sent another romantic text, which was responded to with what I’m assuming was supposed to be an equally loving message, but due to predictive text and/or not concentrating, it didn’t make much sense.

The afternoon came and went, and I heard nothing from Kevin whatsoever. No emails, so I assumed the phone line was still off; and no texts – which was very unlike him. Especially knowing he wasn’t busy with work and therefore certainly had the time to text, should he wish to.

By early evening I was getting concerned at not hearing from him, so I sent a text:

18:51 – Hi Love, hope the rest of your afternoon went well. Angie came round for her cake and she showed us the pics from her weekend – looked fun. XxXxX

No response.

20:03 – Why so quiet?

No response.

21:19 – Ok, well I don’t know why you’re not talking to me, on our anniversary of all days. Going to bed now. G’Night. XxX

No response.

Naturally I couldn’t sleep, and after several hours of watching Girls in an attempt to keep my mind from wondering and thinking the worst; I finally fell asleep at around 01h00. However I tossed and turned, and awoke every 30 minutes or so to check my phone for any messages.

By 04h00 I was wide awake and checked my phone.

Still no messages or missed calls.

Not having any airtime on my phone [I live on BIS and an SMS bundle] I checked if I had enough MTN points to convert into airtime. Just enough for R5 airtime, sufficient to make a phone call.

At 05:06 I called Kevin

WTF Texts and Phone Calls


Tears are words that need to be written.
~ Paulo Coelho


Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul.
~ Oscar Wilde


I can’t eat and I can’t sleep. I’m not doing well in terms of being a functional human, you know?
~ Ned Vizzini


Any fool can be happy. It takes a man with real heart to make beauty out of the stuff that makes us weep.
~ Clive Barker


Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.
~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more,
Men were deceivers ever,-
One foot in sea and one on shore,
To one thing constant never.

~ William Shakespeare


Licking Ashtrays on my Anniversary

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smoking

Today marks the 4 month anniversary of Kevin and I and I could be happier.

Yes you read right, that is not a typo. I could be happier.

There are two matters that started off as small issues, but as time has progressed, so the issues have mushroomed.

The first thing is Kevin’s smoking.

One of the reasons I was hesitant in dating him in the first place was this filthy habit, and my reasons are threefold.

Firstly I’ve had to watch two parents die due to smoking related illnesses. First my stepfather’s colon cancer and subsequent pneumonia six years ago; and the most recent demise of Mother Dearest from emphysema.

At least my SF passed quickly – two weeks after being diagnosed, he refused life support and he quietly and without fuss took his last breath whilst I held his hand. MD wasn’t as lucky, and suffered for years, losing all human dignity in the process.

So is it selfish of me not to ever wanting to witness and experience such avoidable losses of loved ones again?

It’s not to say that cancer or other illness wouldn’t ever befall my Love, but puffing on those cigarettes is a certain way to invite disease and to be quite honest, I’m still traumatized at MD’s passing and have an increased hatred for cigarettes for taking her.

Have I mentioned that Love’s mother also suffers with emphysema and is permanently on oxygen? So really, he should know better.

Oh and he has been sick for over a month now with a bad chest infection and when he commented that I no longer fall asleep lying on his chest, he took offense that I said I felt like I was in bed with an 80-year-old man  – that’s how bad his chest rattles and wheezes. Not sexy.

When we first met, I did advise Kevin of my disapproval and he assured me that he was going to quit, soon. Further into our relationship I let him know that I would not make a formal commitment to him for as long as he was still smoking. Whilst on our Promise Holiday he did stop smoking, and so I didn’t hesitate in accepting his ring and committing myself deeper to our relationship.

However, minutes upon returning to Jo’burg, he was back on the nicotine. Naturally this left me livid, but I tried to be the understanding girlfriend / almost-fiance that I am, and I got him the Allen Carr’s Easy Way to Stop Smoking e-book.

He started reading it, got through a few pages and then quit. Reading that is.

I recently motivating him to start reading again, giving up time that we could have spent together, but realizing the importance of our sacrifice in the long run.

Two days and later and with a mere 10 pages to go, he quit again.

I’m no longer as tolerant as I was previously, and I now view his inability to quit, or to even finish the book as a sign as weakness. Now before all the smoker’s jump on the band wagon with cries of how difficult it is to quit, let me remind you all that I smoked a pack a day for 25 years and yet still managed to extinguish my last Blue Ice without looking back – so it can be done.

So for me to alter my view of Love from the strong man he is [physically there is no denying his strength], to doubting his strength of character does not bode well for our relationship, as I do not want him categorized with my feeble-minded ex’s who really were worthy of their lowly status.

And then there’s the issue of the smell and the taste. I love kissing my man, but I do not enjoy the taste of Peter Stuyvesant and after a major make-out session, I feel like I’ve had a ciggie or two myself.

As for him getting out of bed in the middle of the night for a smoke outside, and then shepherding the fumes under the covers when he returns – well I don’t know how much longer I can bear it. Even though he doesn’t smoke inside my house, my bedding reeks of the smoke.

I have tried hinting that he brush his teeth more often, as it does help [but not eradicate] the taste, but short of him brushing after every cigarette I don’t know how to solve this aspect of my issues with him smoking.

So there’s the health issue, the fact that my opinion of him is waning; and my personal distaste – quite literally.

I don’t know what more to do, as the motivation to quit needs to come from within him  and I’m also tiring of sounding like a nagging fish wife.

I love Kevin, but I hate his disgusting habit.


However, you cannot force smokers to stop, and although all smokers secretly want to, until they are ready to do so a pact just creates additional pressure, which increases their desire to smoke. This turns them into secret smokers, which further increases the feeling of dependency.


Responsibility becomes stressful only when you don’t feel strong enough to handle it.


The cigarette gets the credit for everything and the blame for nothing.


The main reason that smokers find it difficult to quit is that they believe that they are giving up a genuine pleasure or crutch. It is absolutely essential to understand that there is nothing to ‘give up’.


Quite simply, the key to being a happy non-smoker is to remove the desire to smoke. With no desire to smoke, it takes no Willpower not to do so.


Whenever you think about smoking you must see it as a lifetime’s chain of filth, disease, fear, misery and slavery.


♦ Quotes from Allen Carr ♦