I’m not usually one for acknowledging awards; unless they come in the form of little gold naked men. However since they, and any another other gold-card carrying man, are sorely lacking from my life, I have to take my pleasures [and ego strokes] where I can.
A fellow one of six siblinged Batman loving texterholic very kindly nominated me for the Pulitzer Prize. Or was it the Nobel Peace Prize? Regardless of the title, I am honoured and flattered and thoroughly chuffed to be recognized for my contribution to the worldwide literati.
With power, comes much responsibility, said Uncle Ben and Voltaire. And since I have an excess of the latter and a shortage of the former, I shall preclude myself from following the rules to the letter in order to formally accept my award. However, being the modest pseudo-cyber-celeb I am, I have acquiesced to an interview.
What is your favorite genre of music?
That’s like asking a parent which of their offspring they favour the most, so please don’t make me choose! I love and listen to all genres of music; however I can exclude one category – I don’t listen to metal – heavy or otherwise. That racket, along with the racketeers scare the bejesus out of me.
Describe your life in three words.
Lost. Looking. Love.
If you could change one thing in history, what would it be?
I’d start with giving Marilyn a bitch slap and telling her that JFK just isn’t worth it. Thereafter I’d pour all the pills down the sink and move her in with me and the kids [providing that time-travel is permitted, of course]. We’d engage in a very torrid love affair and live happily ever after.
If you were arrested, who would your one phone call go to?
Hmmm, with the police making regular visits to my place, this is a pertinent question. In fact, believe it or not; they made a return visit on Monday whilst I was at work. It appears that the Mozambican is back in my basement and despite no runaway child ever found on my property, I remain suspect number one! Anyway, should they ever succeed in finding where I hide the bodies, my first call would be to Boss Lady. Whilst she’s certainly not top of my Christmas List, her hubby has too much pull not to call in a favour. Not to mention BL has a deep pocket to pay my bail.
If you had the opportunity to permanently exterminate one species of bug from the planet, what would it be?
It’s no secret that I am petrified of spiders, however I would not be able to live with the guilt of upsetting the eco-system so as long as they stay away from me, I’ll permit their continued existence. It has however come to my attention that should mosquitoes become extinct; their absence will incur no negative consequence to the environment. It would also eradicate malaria, and I would in likelihood win the Nobel Prize for Sciences, so I’m going to go with that. Down with mozzies!!!
If you could choose how you die, what would you choose? (Too morbid? Too bad…answer)
It is my wish to go peacefully in my sleep. Whilst I am not afraid of death and the transition from this life to whence I assume I will go; I am terrified of my passing being painful. So stabbings, shootings, drownings, fires and the like would not do it for me. I’ve had too many near-death experiences to support my decision so even the lethal injection would suffice as a way to go. But hopefully with Boss Lady and her hubby’s assistance, it won’t get to that.
What is your favorite thing about nature?
The sun, the moon and the stars. To be more specific; splendid sunrises and sensual sunsets; mythical full moons and enchanted eclipses; shooting stars and candescent constellations.
Favorite writing utensil?
Keyboard. Does that count as a writing utensil? If so, then a full sized black-keyed keyboard in my utensil of choice. If however the question refers to a handheld member of the stationery group, then I’ll go with a pink-inked gold-encased fountain pen.
Favorite food as a child? Favorite food now?
Well I know it wasn’t veggies, not then nor now. I don’t remember much about my childhood, let alone what I enjoyed eating but knowing me as well as I do, it was sure to be something unhealthy but rather tasty. In present times, with all my stomach ailments and digestive problems, my choice is rather limited. Pizza with three cheeses, avo, mayo and peri-peri would go down well.
What is your worst fear?
~ ♦ ~
Listen, I need to ask you something
You know that piece I gave you
Well I want it back
But you gave it to me
I know but you should’ve returned it
I thought it was mine to keep
It’s not like you’re using it any more
And I really need it
Well I can’t give it to you
Pandora has it
~ ♥ ~
Part 1 – Court Case
coming soon …
Part 3 – Confrontation
Part 4 – Cover of a Magazine
~ ♥ ~
IN THE MATTER BETWEEN
~ ♥ ~
BAILIFF: All rise for the honourable Judge Faith.
JUDGE: You may be seated.
ATTORNEY PROS: Your honour, we call Harmony to the stand.
BAILIFF: Place your right hand on Marilyn’s Autobiography and repeat after me. I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me gods, goddesses, Buddha and angels.
HARMONY: I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me gods, goddesses, Buddha and angels.
ATTORNEY PROS: Your honour, I wish to place into evidence, Exhibit A.
JUDGE: What is it councillor?
ATTORNEY PROS: It is The Piece, your honour.
JUDGE: Very well.
ATTORNEY PROS: Harmony, do you recognise this Piece?
HARMONY: Yes sir, it’s my Piece.
ATTORNEY PROS: And do you admit to resorting to underhanded tactics in an attempt to retrieve this Piece?
HARMONY: No sir, First of all it belongs to me and secondly ……
ATTORNEY PROS: No-one is refuting that the Piece belongs to you Harmony. You are on trial for your underhanded tactics in attempting to retrieve this Piece. Now do you plead guilty to the charge of underhanded tactics?
HARMONY: No sir, I am innocent.
ATTORNEY PROS: What were you wearing on the evening in question?
ATTORNEY DEF: Objection your honour, relevance?
ATTORNEY PROS: Your honour, the prosecution will show that Harmony set out with seductive motives in mind.
JUDGE: Sustained. Harmony you are to answer the question.
HARMONY: I wore a black and white polka dot dress.
ATTORNEY PROS: And did this dress show ample cleavage.
HARMONY: Well now that you mention it.
ATTORNEY PROS: And was this dress figure-hugging?
HARMONY: Most of my clothes are, I don’t see what this has …
ATTORNEY PROS: So that is a yes?
ATTORNEY PROS: And does this dress sit several centimetres above the knee.
ATTORNEY PROS: So you admit to dressing in a provocative manner!
HARMONY: You see it as provocative, I view it as comfortable.
ATTORNEY PROS: Your honour, we have evidence that Harmony does not wear such comfortable clothes to work, nor during her other daily activities such as shopping or visiting friends. She deliberately chose this outfit for the crime she was about to commit. Furthermore, she was seen in make-up and with her hair styled; again not a regular occurrence of late.
HARMONY: Ok fine! I wanted to look good.
ATTORNEY PROS: And you certainly did. You oozed sex appeal.
HARMONY: Thank you.
ATTORNEY PROS: That wasn’t a compliment. It was a statement for the record.
HARMONY: My bad.
ATTORNEY PROS: Now back to the Piece. Do you admit that you gave him the Piece freely and out of your own free will?
ATTORNEY PROS: And did you not say he could have it forever?
HARMONY: Yes, but that changed after we …
ATTORNEY PROS: A yes or no answer will suffice. Thank you. So despite you giving him your Piece, you decided months later that you wanted it back. You wanted it back so badly, you were brazen enough to open Pandora’s Box!
GALLERY: (LOUD OUTCRY)
JUDGE: Order! Order in my court room! I am very disappointed at this outburst!
HARMONY: But you don’t understand! I needed that Piece back! It was a part of me and I realised recently that I couldn’t function properly without …
ATTORNEY PROS: Your honour. The prosecution rests.
JUDGE: Councillor for the defence, you may redirect.
ATTORNEY DEF: Harmony, please describe for the court how has the absence of the Piece has affected your life?
HARMONY: I haven’t felt whole in months, sir. I have become all but a recluse in my home and my social life is just about non-existent. My emotions are extinct and I am unable to even cry. I have all but lost my confidence.
ATTORNEY DEF: Now, what were your intentions on the evening in question?
HARMONY: It was not a decision I came to lightly. I weighed up the pros and cons and basically came to the conclusion that I could no longer live without the Piece. And so I decided to do whatever it took to get it back.
ATTORNEY DEF: And this included opening Pandora’s Box?
HARMONY: Uh huh. I decided if that’s what it took to regain the will to live, I was prepared to face the consequences.
ATTORNEY DEF: And did you in fact open Pandora’s Box.
HARMONY: Sir, as I stood on the precipice between light and dark; I was so close to regarding my Piece. It would only have taken a few more steps into the darkness and it would’ve been mine again.
ATTORNEY DEF: And then what happened?
HARMONY: An angel appeared to me.
ATTORNEY PROS: Objection your honour. We have proved that this women to be a temptress with evil intentions; and now she’d have us believe she’s some spiritual seer?
JUDGE: Objection sustained. You may continue Harmony.
HARMONY: Well it was more that I felt the Angel than physically saw him.
ATTORNEY DEF: And what did this angel say to you Harmony?
HARMONY: He said that I no longer needed the Piece that I gave away and that if I looked closely, it had already been replaced.
ATTORNEY DEF: So did you open Pandora’s Box?
HARMONY: No sir. I admit that that was my intention. But after what I heard the angel say, I went straight home. I did not enter the dark abode nor did I open Pandora’s Box.
ATTORNEY DEF: The defense rests your honour.
JUDGE: The court is adjourned for deliberations. After the recess we shall convene for my verdict and the court will give the gallery an opportunity to see this illusive Piece.
BAILIFF: All rise.
~ ♥ ~
coming soon …
Part 2 – Conversation
Part 3 – Confrontation
Part 4 – Cover of a Magazine
stolen taken from a challenge done two years ago on my previous blog, and re-ordered and edited for the sake of the current challenge]
Reese Witherspoon as Harmony
Me Myself and I
Whilst the height and age were a very good match, Reese is going to have to wear heaving padding to pull off Harmony’s very ample cleavage. They also have the same high-pitched voices. Great!
Jaden Smith as Star
My 19 year old Son
Other than their musical abilities I can’t find much else in common between Jaden and Star. I just couldn’t find a bi-racial actor of Star’s age, and at least Jaden has pull at the box office.
Amandla Stenberg as Angel
My 11 year old Daughter
Whilst a few years older than Angel, the oriental looking eyes and bright smile captured my attention. She’s also a musician which is a plus to play the role of Angel.
Supporting Female Roles
Cameron Diaz as Blondie
Friend and Former Neighbour
The platinum blonde hair, piercing blue eyes, deep tan and wild attitude – yup – that’s Blondie alright! Tara Reid was almost cast in this role but I was concerned she wouldn’t pitch up on set.
Justin Bieber as [S]
Crush / Muse
He could be [S]‘s twin. Seriously, you would be hard-pressed to tell them apart, despite their different genders. Same everything’s. Best casting ever!
Supporting Male Roles
John Abraham as Beloved
Ex-Boyfriend / Love of my life
*Sigh* I have a picture of Beloved that looks so much like the one I posted, that’s what caught my attention to John. Beloved’s hair is just longer and much curlier. Similar eyes and expression.
Channing Tatum as Fabian
Ex-Boyfriend / Abuser
Both good looking bulky ex-strippers and that’s where the similarity ends. I should have found a more villainous actor, but then again; Fabian exhibited no evil qualities until the night he assaulted me.
Leonardo Dicaprio as Deveroux
Ex-Boyfriend / Friend
Both good-looking boys with youthful looks, with serious expressions that belies the naughtiness below the surface. They wouldn’t pass for brothers, but the casting will suffice.
Shemar Moore as Ex-Fiancè
Bald, biracial with a goatee – that’s where the similarities begin and end. My ex-fiance wishes he looks like Shemar. Hell, I wish he did … we’d probably be married by now.
DMX [Earl Simmons] as Ex-Ex Fiancè
Angel’s Father & my Ex-Fiancè
Just add a pair of prescription glasses and you have T [Angel’s father]. However their similarities end with physical appearance as T is a soft gentle soul; the antithesis of the crackhead DMX has become.
Cuba Gooding Jr as the Sperm Donor
Star’s Father & my Ex-Husband
Another uncanny resemblance, especially when he frowns – it scares the bejesus out of me! I can’t even watch a movie with him in it because I just see my ex-husband.
I am having a bit of fun courtesy of the Daily Prompt at the Daily post.
Feel free to play along – who would play YOU in the movie of your life?
All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players
~ William Shakespeare ~
A lyrical take on an old challenge of mine.
Take the bolded words and complete the sentence.
My exit unobserved,
And my homesickness absurd
I said “water” expecting the Word would satisfy my thirst,
Talking all about the second and third
When I haven’t understood the first.
Maybe I should cry for help
Maybe I should kill myself
Blame it on my A.D.D. baby
Maybe I’m a different breed
Maybe I’m not listening
I love it!
I got this feeling on the summer day when you were gone.
I crashed my car into the bridge. I watched, I let it burn.
I threw your shit into a bag and pushed it down the stairs.
I crashed my car into the bridge.
People say I’m the life of the party
Because I tell a joke or two
Although I might be laughing loud and hearty
Deep inside I’m blue
So take a good look at my face
You’ll see my smile looks out of place
If you look closer, it’s easy to trace
The tracks of my tears
I don’t understand anything.
Watch me stumble, watch me trip
My fingers loose their grip.
Now I’m down on my knees,
Is that what you wanted to see?
What is it that I think I need?
[Everything But The Girl]
When I wake up in the morning, love
And the sunlight hurts my eyes
And something without warning, love
Bears heavy on my mind
I lost myself today
Without even knowing what was happening
I’ve got voices in my head
Making me think that this is where I end
[Lauren Mann and the Fairly Odd Folk]
Life is full of disappointment
Yes and I am full of life
Standing here without illusions
My past is all behind me
Is it a crime, to fight, for what is mine?
Everybody’s dyin tell me what’s the use of tryin
I’ve been trapped since birth, cautious, cause I’m cursed
And fantasies of my family, in a hearse
I get annoyed,
Can’t you see these skies are breaking?
So out of the womb and into the void.
I am one,
Parties are out of sight
Sunday morning here in Harlem
Now every body’s all dressed up
The heathen folk just gettin’ home from the party
And the good folk just got up
I wish I could give all I’m longing to give
I wish I could live like I’m longing to live
I wish that I could do all the things that I can do
though I’m way overdue I’d be starting anew.
Dogs of war and men of hate
With no cause, we don’t discriminate
Discovery is to be disowned
Our currency is flesh and bone
We’re so wonderfully wonderfully wonderfully
Oh you know that I’d do anything for you
We should have each other to tea huh?
We should have each other with cream
Tomorrow I’m gonna leave here
I’m gonna let you go and walk away like every day I said I would
And tomorrow, I’m gonna listen
To that voice of reason inside my head telling me that we’re no good
If I had a million dollars
Well, I’d buy you a house
And if I had a million dollars
I’d buy you furniture for your house
Maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman
Who’s going to save me
When the tide pulls me out ?
If I have to fight
I might need your help
~ ♥ ~
We’ll start the evening with a movie suitable for the whole family’s viewing [not to say that Momma ain’t gonna be perving at the lead actress ]
Then Angel will climb into her bed [or more likely mine] with her portable DVD player and a movie based on one of her favourite books
At the same time Star will make use of his PlayStation 2 console for a bit of boys entertainment in his windowless room.
And once the kiddes are tucked up in bed and I have the lounge all to myself … it’s on baby … it’s on! [or more correctly – off – all off!]
1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of Miss World.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winner for best actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade’s worth of World Series winners.
How did you do?
The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.
Here’s another quiz. See how you do on this one:
1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.
The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care.
I really need to change the content* of my blog! Having spent some time perusing the Stats page, the search engine terms that have led readers to my blog read like a fucking [I’m too punny for words] porn site!
Here are my personal favourite top 10 search engine terms:
> boy and girl fucking on bed
> sandton escort sex
> girls eating condom
> girl pulling her boy by testicles
> never finger a girl in some dodgy place
> xxx photo pic that fuck near sandton
> hookers in monte casino
> full house escorts sandton
> long drive flavored condoms
> boot sex
And a bonus, because god only knows what this person was hoping to find:
> louis vuitton blow job
* and possibly my ‘name’ too, having a triple X in my title does seem dodge.
Note to self: Google potential profile names prior to starting a blog. Do you have any idea how many Harmony xxx porn sites there are??? Hahaha, who knew? [and how fitting some of you might say – but I’m still in my don’t a give a shit phase, so think what you want.]