More ‘Motions

sad woman

Star was not taken driving yesterday morning, as Barry did not arrive at the appointed time that I had confirmed with Mimi on Tuesday evening.  And not because Barry left home or anything remotely acceptable like that. Oh no. Mimi forgot to provide him with the time I had allocated as they were too busy fighting.

So now their problems become my problems.

On top of that, because of the tension between Barry and Mimi’s daughter [N], she and [B] have taken to hanging out at my place. Now I don’t mind when [S] is in attendance because at the very least I get a good perve which warms the cockles of something inside me; but it appears that [B] and [S] are no longer bosom buddies and so it serves no good purpose having these two girls as guests.

Worst of all, Star wasn’t even home to host them; they just took it upon themselves to make themselves at home. Angel didn’t know what to do and in all fairness, it’s not her place to either entertain them or kick them out; however after doing her homework she wanted to go out and play and so put all the valuables in my bedroom and locked the door.

At something prior to sunrise this morning, Mimi sent me a barrage of messages. On waking I noted that she was requesting a few bob for Barry to get to work. Not my problem, so I duly ignored the messages without response.  A few minutes later Mimi phoned to say that she was outside my door.

Oh for fuck sake! I wanted to sleep in late!

Blah blah blah, Barry doesn’t have money to get to work and her daughter-in-law is getting paid on the 20th and she will give the money back then [although the Whatsapp message said she would return the cash this evening] and please don’t I have a bit of money to loan them.

I retrieved Elle Vietjie and handed over R20 – which was the grand contents of my purse and Mimi said that unfortunately it wasn’t enough for Barry to get to work on his own steam and she’d had to return from work early in order to take him, but that she would keep the money for bread.

Whatever.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m only too happy to help out a friend in need; but firstly I’m pretty skint myself this month due to the Feisty Fiesta bleeding me dry, and secondly I’m a little sore that she ‘forgot ‘ to tell Barry the time to be at my place in order to take Star driving, which is quite a high priority in my life.

So the fact that she can send me messages at the crack of dawn and get me out of bed at the crack of dawn to ensure that her husband – whom she’s always fighting with – gets to work on time; leaves me pretty peeved as there was little consideration for my son to go driving with the only person I know home during the day in order to assist.

But like I said, whatever.

My mood has gone from sad to mad and personally I would much rather be angry and vent my emotions outward than continue with the pity party of feeling sorry for myself. So no, I am not back to the Happy Harmony we all know and love [mostly] and my latest fear is that this is the early onset of menopause.

Gods help us all.

What Now? I Just Can’t Figure It Out

Harmony:

PLAYING ON REPEAT … IN MY HEAD

Whatever it is, it feels like
It’s laughing at me through the glass of a two-sided mirror
Whatever it is, it’s just laughing at me
And I just wanna scream

Originally posted on In Harmony:

RIHANNA ~ WHAT NOW

I’ve been ignoring this big lump in my throat
I shouldn’t be crying, tears were for the weaker days
I’m stronger now, or so I say,
But something’s missing

Whatever it is, it feels like
It’s laughing at me through the glass of a two-sided mirror
Whatever it is, it’s just laughing at me
And I just wanna scream

What now? I just can’t figure it out
What now? I guess I’ll just wait it out (wait it out)
What now? Oh, oh, oh, oh! What now?

I found the one, he changed my life
But was it me that changed
And he just happened to come at the right time
I’m supposed to be in love
But I’m numb again

Whatever it is, it feels like
It’s laughing at me through the glass of a two-sided mirror
Whatever it is, it’s just sitting there laughing…

View original 189 more words

Dread Full

sad girl

I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

Work is always stressful and clients are generally demanding and unreasonable, so in all fairness I can’t really blame my job.

I’m well used to surviving on the bones of my lily white ass, so this month’s lack of finances can hardly be blamed for my mood.

The kids are attending to house work and home work with little to no resistance and so it’s not them making me feel like this.

As much as I am looking forward to four days of no work and more sleep; I am also absolutely dreading the long weekend. I have no plans to go anyway, have anyone over, or do anything more than the aforementioned slumber.

Perhaps it’s seasonal depression, god knows I love sunshine; or is it a co-incidence that I have been so down since the weather turned?

Or maybe it’s the thought of how I spent the last Easter Weekend. Clue: Jesus wasn’t the only one who was raised from the dead.

Nope, I’m sure I’m over all of that as I’ve already survived the actual anniversary thereof with no lasting ill-effects.

So in all honestly, there’s nothing really wrong, or worse than usual, or any good (bad) reason to feel this way and yet I have a dark cloud of misery hanging above me with a twinge of dread.

I think I think too much.

 

Conversations in a Car

COUPLE IN CAR

“So Harmony”, said Mimi’s husband Barry in the car on our way to fetch Angel from school.

“I don’t mean to put you on the spot, but if you had to remarry, would you allow your children to disrespect your new husband?”

Oh no Barry – that’s not putting me on the spot at all. Please go ahead and discuss the personal details of your marriage to one of my closest friends with me. By all means. Seriously, go ahead, I know what’s coming.

“Er … well now. It would be difficult for me to comment since I have no plans to remarry.

“But hypothetically. If you were remarried and Angel was disrespectful to your husband, who isn’t her father. Are you going to accept that?”

So … Do I pretend that I don’t know that you’re referring to [N] and her lack of respect to you; which is (a) none of my business; and (b) still none of my damn business; and (c) oh my god are you actually discussing this with me; and (d) truth be told, quite deserving???

“Um, well here’s the thing. My kids were taught from a very young age to always respect their elders; so it would be highly unlikely that either of my kids would ever be disrespectful to someone older than them.”

How’s that for hypothetical.

“You know Harmz,” and bearing in mind that this is our very first conversation ever. As in EVER EVER EVER. As in we have never said more than “hello” to each other prior to this chat and he feels familiar enough to shorten my name???

“You know Harmz, I can’t take it anymore. I’ve decided to leave.”

Silence in the car.

Round of applause in my head.

“I’m 90% sure of my decision and I’ve already spoken to Liam about it and since is seen as the man of the house; he and Mimi can pay the rent and the bills and I’ll move out. I’ll take care of my children from where ever I am.”

Angel can you hurry up and get out of dance class already and get your ass to the car!

“Sjoe Barry.”

“Ja Harmz. I’m tired of this now so I’m going to leave.”

“Sooooo … are you free to take Star driving again tomorrow or will you be gone by then?”

 

Hello High Low

drama masks

On Thursday afternoon I was offered a full time position in one of my part-time ventures. More money. More freedom. More holidays.  No colleagues. No pressure. No problem. Same amount of traveling as the office is a mere two blocks from my current location, so no leaving town. Also the industry is uplifting – so no negativity.

EMOTIONS HIGH

On Thursday evening I had a godawful meeting with the dreaded Chairman of my complex and his cronies. I was undermined, degraded, berated and generally insulted. If they were merely my Trustees I’d tell them all to go get fucked, but unfortunately they are also my clients and so I had to bite my tongue and swallow their shit.

EMOTIONS LOW

On Friday morning I was finally registered as a Director on the board of a new government-regulated association. Yes, I am the token whitey and no I don’t care that I was merely selected for my pale face and English name. I willingly jumped aboard the gravy train and I look forward to reaping the dividends with little to no work.

EMOTIONS HIGH

On Friday afternoon my favourite client sent Boss Lady a scathing email insinuating that I had dropped the ball on various issues and wasn’t servicing them to their satisfaction. Because according to them I should be able to trace motor vehicles not residing in the complex. Yup, I work for Metro too. Idiots.

EMOTIONS LOW

On Saturday evening Goddess came over for an evening of 50′s glamour and a fabulous five course meal, including the most decadent desserts. I exceeded even my own expectations regarding decor and food; and my first hosted dinner party was nothing less than perfect in every way.

EMOTIONS HIGH

On Sunday morning Liam had the audacity to use a picture of Marilyn Monroe and Drake that I had sent him just before he wasn’t ready for a relationship, as his profile picture. What the fuck? How dare he! He only knows MM because of me! Even Mimi questioned the meaning behind that act. Whatever. Get a life and leave my Marilyn alone.

EMOTIONS LOW

On Sunday afternoon Angel came first in a K1 [one man kayak] race in  the annual river race between the various Gauteng Sea Scouts Troops. She also came second in the K2 [two man girl] race; with her Scouting Troop coming first overall. Not bad for someone who only starting canoeing a few weeks ago.

EMOTIONS HIGH

On Monday morning Star failed his driver’s license test. After practicing for hours over the weekend, as well as prior to his test; with him making no mistakes; when leaving the yard he hit the pavement. The next available booking was the day after Star’s learners license expires; and the only other centres with suitable dates are doorengone.

EMOTIONS LOW

On Monday night Mimi offered the use of her wayward husband to take Star to a testing station on the western side of the province in order to book for his drivers prior to the learners expiration. The dude also offered to take Star driving every day to build up his confidence again, as after yesterdays debacle, he was ready to throw in the towel.

EMOTIONS HIGH

It’s Tuesday morning and I am at work [depressing]. Still waiting to hear if my salary demands expectations have been met [frustrating]; although the organisation will only have feedback next Tuesday [hopeful]. Star has a booking to do his drivers next Tuesday [relieved]. Tonight I’m attending an AGM [dread] and will in turn miss my Hip Hop class [disappointment] and will return home in the dead of night [cold].

EMOTIONS ALL OVER THE PLACE

It Seems Like Fate Has Spoken

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  ALICIA KEYS ft KENDRICK LAMAR ~ IT’S ON AGAIN

[Kendrick Lamar]

And everybody know the story of David and Goliath
But this is bigger than triumph
This is for the warrior, this is for you and I
This is for euphoria, give me a piece of mind
God is recording this! Won’t you look in the sky?
Tell him you got the behavior of your neighbor
Even when stability’s never in your favor
Fly with the turbulence, only last a minute
Land on your dreams, and recognize you live it
Walk through the valley of peace, with bare feet
Run through the flames, that’s more passion for me
I passed that, this morning just so the world can see
Got them wolves on me, no watch me like em clean
I know, I know, my pride, my ghost, my eyes
My lows, I know I know, its mind control
I know I could prosper, no impostor
Prosecute my posture
I stand up and I stand by it what

[Alicia Keys]

I am a freedom fighter, the name that history wrote
And even through disaster, eye of the tiger for hope
I’m trying to find my way back, there’s no day off for heroes
And even when I’m tired, gold is the only word I know

And the night is takin’ over
And the moonlight gets exposure
And the players have been chosen
And it seems like fate has spoken
When it seems your faith has broken
By the second, losin’ focus
Ain’t no way to get off, get off, get off, get off
Unless you
I bet you wonder how I go on

Hip Hop Don’t Stop

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sexy hip hop dancer

Yesterday I had one of those

Oh My God I Love My Life!!!

moments.

It was at gym, during my favourite class, Dunk Funk. Instead of it being led by the lady trainer who conducts modern and contemporary dance classes [during which I find myself tripping over my feet]; my favourite trainer BJ [the guy who gave me several interesting books to read *] has taken over the class and is teaching us Hip Hop Dancing.

*Harmony does the happy dance*

I didn’t feel like I was in a studio in my hood; I felt like I was in a Studio in the The Hood.

I worked up a sweat, got my heart racing, my blood flowing … and my hips … hmmm … gyrating. And if I’m honest, there was little tingle in the groin area …

And that was just walking into class and seeing the trainer! *drool* He says he dances hip-hop professionally. Although, the last two guys who told me that, happened to be strippers at some point in their lives.

Nevertheless, one doesn’t actually care about his credentials. He has provided handy eye candy to motivate one through many a strenuous 40 minute battle with Tums and Bums.

But it is during Hip Hop classes that he performs his best. I’m not sure if I attend his classes to learn how to dance, or merely to ogle his sexy moves. Either way I’m picking it up fast [the moves, not the man] and my body has discovered that I’m quite suited to this rhythm of dance.

At the end of the class, like a woman who’s just had some the best sex of her life and doesn’t want to ruin it with meaningless conversation; I wiped the sweat off my brow, put on my jacket and breathlessly walked out the room without a word.

So I’ve done two classes already, with my third coming up tonight; and what I love the most is that BJ isn’t merely teaching us the moves; but by the end of the class we have learned an entire dance routine!

Even more impressive, is that I am the “old lady” in a class full of young women, and not only do I manage to keep up … I outshine most of them. *brag brag* What can I say … these hips don’t lie.

* Oh didn’t tell you about that? A few weeks ago BJ asked if he could provide me with a few ebooks. It was quite a random request, but not one to say no to material reading, I gave him a USB flash drive and the following day I had: Why Men Lie and Why Women Cry; and Why Men Don’t Listen and Woman Can’t Read Maps. I’m still not sure to make of that.

The Past Driving Me Crazy

sexy car

It was the missing member of Mommy’s Club. Alice.

She was absolutely distraught and I could barely make out what she saying; suffice to say I established that her boyfriend (a.k.a father of her baby a.k.a Deveroux’s brother) had just broken up with her and they were coming over immediately to fetch her kids … from Angel’s bring and braai.

Light bulb moment.

Ah – So that’s why I saw Dev. Or rather his car. He has tinted windows and the drivers seat was on the other side of the pool. So I didn’t actually see him. But it was his car. I just didn’t make the connection from Dev to his brother to the brother’s girlfriend to her kids being at my place; especially as the Gran [who has custody of the kids] dropped them off.

Alice didn’t make mention of a previous visit to the complex by her, the boyfriend or any other family members; but she did say she would be at my place by 18:00, and that I should have the kids outside waiting for them as they were in a hurry.

I walked to the entrance gate with the kids at the appointed time and a few seconds later her boyfriend pulled up. In Dev’s car. Duh. That will teach me to jump to conclusions.

Getting out the vehicle, Alice was more than distraught. She was still crying, and judging by the swollen eyes and stained cheeks, had been doing so for a while. Her kids were asking her what was wrong and she told them she was was tired because the baby was sick and so she hadn’t slept much.

The boyfriend jumped out of the car to greet me and usher everyone into the car. Or at least attempted to. Angel and her friend were having drawn-out goodbyes and Alice was still sobbing and the baby, now in the boyfriends arms, was crying and I felt like I was standing in the middle of the wrong set. And then the back door opened and I heard …

Hello Harmony. (Except without the ‘H’s and with a very pronounced French accent.)

Bonjour Mom de Dev.

‘Ow are ‘ou?

I’m fine thank you. It lovely to see you.

And ‘ou.

Are you keeping well?

Ah oui oui!

That’s good.

‘ou are looking very (accent on the ‘R’) lovely (3 syllables, not 2). Every time I see ‘ou, ‘ou are looking younger (soft ‘G’) and younger (ditto)

I know! Once I hit forty I decided to start aging the other way!

*giggle*

It’s always lovely to see Dev’s mother as she is such a gentle soul. But it’s also a reminder of the past. And as the gods are my witnesses, I hate going there.

And by ‘there’ I’m referring to all of the past. Not just the history relating to Dev et al.

Anyway, so everyone finally climbed into the car, and Dev’s vroom vroom went speeding off into the sunset.

But that wasn’t the last I saw of that car this weekend. I saw it again on Sunday. And this time … Dev was driving it. Like a bat out of hell.

And these are the days of my life … [It should have a sound track. Good music makes everything bearable]

But that’s not all …

If you comment now, you’ll get to hear all about my mini-break-down on Saturday night.

I was supposed to out that evening; I had a choice between a Club in The North [not if I'm driving!]; a Club in the East [not really my scene either]; or the cocktail bar where I used to take Latin American Dance lessons [and also the closest to home].

Hmmm, I knew where I wanted to go! I didn’t though. In retrospect I can thank the Heavens for that.

The colleague and friends that I was supposed to go out with, commenced their club hopping night at …

You guessed it.

The Dodgy Pub.

*shudder*

After hearing about their evening; I realised that that was Blondie and I all over again how-ever-many-years-ago.

Thank, but no thanks.

Panic Stations

waiting for phone call

Every movement near the gate had me on high alert. A car would pass and my heart would jump at the prospect of seeing Deveroux. [not in a pleasant way] A kid would enter and my neck would crane to it’s full extent to identify the intruder.

Milliseconds turned to seconds and seconds turned to minutes; and soon my apprehension turned to confusion.

Did I actually see Dev? Well I know it was his car. Even Blondie confirmed that, so I definitely wasn’t imagining things.

So if it really was Dev driving in the complex, and if he hasn’t been to my place and thereafter directed to the pool area by Star; then either Star was no longer home and Dev merely left. But then how did he get into the complex in the first place without someone on the other end of the intercom granting access???

Or perhaps he does suddenly know someone else in the complex and he was visiting them. But then why was he driving through the residential side of the complex? If he was visiting another resident, he’d be parked in the visitors parking area near the entrance and wouldn’t be anywhere near the pool which is on the other side of the complex!

So where he is now? And what was he doing here? Argh, what is going on???

And so went my thoughts. Until my paranoia was rudely interrupted.

My cellphone rang.

I startled at the sound.

I shook even harder when I recognised the number.

Deveroux’s mother’s landline.

What the fuck???

I stared at the screen for so long that the call stopped.

I waited for the caller to leave a voice message

Again the milliseconds turned to seconds turned to minutes.

No message was left.

Ok, really. What the fuck is going on here??? Why is he calling me from his mother’s house phone and where the hell did he get my number from???

BB buzzed again.

Another incoming call from the same number.

In panic, I switched my phone to silent.

I just can’t deal with the pressure of uncertainty!!!

I waited for the call to drop and a message to be left.

Nada.

I continued staring at my phone, willing a text message to come through.  That I can deal with.  I can decipher each word and the meaning behind it and thereafter draft my necessary response. A call? Nope, too “on the spot” and it doesn’t give me time to think, to analyse, to plot, to plan.

The phone rang again.

A different number.

I answered.