At the beginning of February I realised that I hadn’t weighed myself in some time and so decided to make a date with my glass electronic bathroom scale.
I have weighed between 53kg and 55kg’s most of my life [save for my pregnancies whereby I ballooned to a heffa hellavalot more - but that doesn't count, because I can blame it all on Star and more especially Angel]. Oh and the previous time I quit smoking I managed to gain approximately 10kg’s but fortunately lost it again when I went back to Blue Ice. Strangely, when I gave up for good 16 months ago, it didn’t cause so much a blimp on the Richter scale.
So I’ve never had to worry about my weight, dieting, exercise or the like; due to good genes or a fast metabolism my body has remained pretty constant. Yay for the consistent booty.
Stepping on the scale a few weeks ago I was convinced that the small appliance was faulty; assuming a flat battery or perhaps a crossed wire since it’s electronic. After kicking it across the tiles in anger; I went to Star’s bathroom to prove my theory on the old-fashioned mechanical one.
%$#@@& what are the chances of two scales recording the same incorrect result??? Both blasted machines had me in the next weight bracket, weighing in at 60kg.
Still in disbelief, I decided to attempt the more tried and tested method: to put on a pair of a jeans.
*sob* The pair of jeans that I had worn, oh sometime during the winter months of 2013, could not and would not pass the hips, let alone allow to be zipped and buttoned up.
After a few days in denial, I whipped out my measuring tape; that to date has been used for nothing more than measuring windows prior to the installation of my blinds [still looking fabulous by the way].
Here are the depressing results – the circumferences taken at the largest point of the relevant body parts.
Ankle = 21 cm
Calf = 36 cm
Above knee = 39 cm
Thigh = 59 cm [each!!!]
Hips = 100 cm [that's a bloody meter!!!]
Waist = 70 cm
Rib cage = 74 cm
Breasts = 90 cm
Wrist = 15 cm
Forearm = 23 cm
Upper arm = 30 cm
I have since tried on all my shorts, trousers and pants; and the ones previously loose are now rather snug and those that were tight fitting no longer fit at all. Thanks to thickened thighs and humongous hips. *sob* Next I put on a few blouses and had I even attempted to bend an arm, let alone flex a non-existent muscle, the sleeves would have ripped at the seams. *bawl*
Fortunately I live in sleeveless dresses that are tight across the chest and then flare out at the waist; so I haven’t really noticed the increase in birth of hips, thighs and upper arms.
I spent a bit of time wallowing in self-pity thinking that hitting the big four oh last year is to blame for the unexpected increase in fatty areas, and then I had an epiphany.
It has bugger all to do with age, and it is also not due to me changing my eating habits; because if anything, I eat healthier now that I ever have.
It all boils down to a lack of exercise. Most of my life I have been active; whilst not actually partaking in any sport or official exercise routine; dancing in a club six hours a nights at least four times a month most definitely is a kilojoule killing workout.
Last year when I put a halt to my clubbing days [and nights] I started Latin American dancing and thereafter I played Action Cricket for a few months until injury took me out of the game.
Since then I have done absolutely nothing to remain active. The furtherest I walk is from my car to the front door and back or from my desk to the ladies loo, which is rather inconveniently situated a few steps from my door. Ew.
So in the spirit of taking the bull by the horns in 2014, I have signed up to a gym in the area; whereby I will have access to various cardio and circuit machines as well as weight lifting equipment.; but my favourite is the studio offering yoga, pilates, Zumba, dance funk, box fusion, step class, slim ball, bums and tums and body con.
I don’t plan on doing it all, in fact the aim is to ease my way into a suitable and sustainable workout programme so that I don’t crash and burn in the first month and vow never to return.
This evening at 19h00 I’ll be attending my first yoga class in years and if all goes well, I will get up with the sparrows tomorrow morning for another yoga class at 06h00 [cough splutter]. I was hoping to do yoga three times a week, but unfortunately I have meetings tomorrow and Thursday evenings which clash with the schedule, and the other times are whilst I’m still at work, so I’ll play it by ear on a weekly basis.
Once the body is a bit more limber I will add dance funk and Zumba to the mix as that will at least get me dancing again; but in the meantime, I will make use of the treadmill and circuit to ensure I am in the gym five days a week.
Last night I went to Pick n Pay and stocked up on some healthier snacks to nibble on whilst I’m at work. I have a terrible habit of not eating during the day, and instead of that assisting me in losing weight; it merely leaves me with no energy levels.
Breakfast will alternate between my first love of Futurelife [I live on the stuff] and Herbex Slimmers Cereal. I have them with water [cutting down on milk too] and obviously no sugar added.
Mid morning snack will be a delicious bowl of fat free black cherry yoghurt – I’ll change the flavours on a weekly basis – and then lunch is rice cakes [never eaten them before ... but here's hoping they're not too cardboard like] with fat free cottage cheese. I don’t even know how I’m going to eat all that, but I will try, and then din-dins will be salad some evenings; otherwise grilled chicken.
I am going to suffer without my daily dose of pasta; but I am only going to follow this eating plan during the week and a chosen day on the weekend – I have to reward myself with a cheat day otherwise I will go mad.
I have given myself a goal [deadline sounds a bit morbid] of three months to have lost all the weight I’ve put on … and I want to lose an additional five for good measure which will put me at 50kg. I spoke with Boss Lady’s dietician and according to a Body Mass Index that is a good weight for my height and bone structure blah blah blah.
I should also have an appointment for my next tattoo by then – if the dude ever responds to my email - so that will be my reward … gorgeous ink on my newly slim arm!