I am feeling like my old self again.
Actually, I retract that statement.
I am feeling like my new self.
relationship flirtation romance affair liaison with Liam actually did me the world of good and whilst he definitely wasn’t The One, he was certainly the one I needed at the time.
I truly believe that people come into your life for a reason; and even if it’s for a fleeting few seconds; or minutes or hours or days … or weeks or months or years [different strokes of time for different folks in time]; they always leave you with something.
Whether it be a kiss, a smile, a thought, a memory; a kid, a car, tears or fears … There is always an exchange of energy – whether physical, emotional, mental or spiritual.
So naturally I got to thinking of the purpose of having had Liam in my life and I quickly realised that I needn’t delve into any metaphysical philosophy to explain his appearance in my life.
It was actually very simple.
On the 29th of March 2013, I was being savagely beaten by Fabian.
On the 29th of March 2014, I was been treated like a queen by Liam.
Neither ‘relationships’ lasted further than that day and yet the memory of that “date” with Fabian has stayed with me every day [and especially the nights], filling me with anger, fear, resentment and other similarly negative emotions. As much as I claimed to be over the incident, speaking about it or even thinking about would result in the return of all those dark feelings and it would take me straight back to that awful night.
Since Saturday though, I have hardly given thought to the year before; and even when I have invaded those depressing memory banks – I feel nothing. I am no longer filled with absolute dread when I conjure thoughts of Fabian and I released all the power that I permitted him to have over me. When I think of that night, it’s just watching a movie and it doesn’t feel like it happened to me.
As for this previous Saturday night …
Instead of being bashed against a car door, causing irreparable damage to the nerves in my upper arm, I had the car door opened for me.
Instead of harsh hands around my neck stopping my breathing; I had a gentle hand at the back of my neck whilst taking my breath away with a sweet kiss.
On Saturday night it dawned on me that good guys * do exist. With my history, and we’re going back way further than just fuckhead Fabian – I can’t be blamed for not believing it before. And with that realisation, all my scepitism and cynicism dissipated; and now instead of believing that all men are bastards, I can confidently say alter that to all my exes are bastards [Liam wasn’t around long enough to qualify as an ex … and so he retains his title as one of the Good Guys]
* Although this particular one was too good for me. And I don’t mean that in a way that he is better than me, or that I am not good enough for him; but rather, how can I relate to a guy who has only ever had two girlfriends [I’ve had more than him … girlfriends, that is] and was only ever intimate with one. God he’s practically a virgin!
So all is well again in Harmony’s Universe.