After dropping the girls off at Kayla school at 18h30, Kevin and I returned home for dinner.
Serving him his favourite meal – chicken giblets in a very hot peri-peri sauce [yes, I’ve learned how to butter men up, and it’s true what they say about the way to a man’s heart …].
As soon as he took his first bite into a liver, I got started.
So you had your say last night, and as you may have noticed I didn’t say anything in response to why you were upset. However I noted that there were two issues that I was seemingly involved in, so I would like to address those now.
You noticed that I was upset on Sunday whilst cleaning up … well let me tell you why I was so cross …
I told him in great detail my concern and irritation at Kayla always forgetting her school uniform at home; and I gave him my two assumptions – that either he hadn’t told her our schedule [which he denied] or that she was irresponsible [which he denied].
His premise was that she was purposely not bringing it. So I told him that if that was the case, he needed to talk to her to find out the underlying reasons why and resolve it. Whilst this is his issue and not mine, is affecting me, which he initially contested, but when I explained the inconvenience it causes to MY weekend too, he saw my point of view and promised to discuss it with Kayla.
The next point was Kayla and Adrian. He admitted that he saw them and wasn’t comfortable with their actions but felt that there was a time and place to discuss it. So I asked if he had brought it up with her since Sunday, and he admitted that he hadn’t.
This pissed me off even more, because if it wasn’t the right time at the time; he had Monday morning on the way to school with her to talk; the Monday night [oh wait – he had taken a time out]; the Tuesday morning, the Tuesday afternoon, evening and Wednesday morning. So exactly when would be the right time?
I accused him of being far too lenient with Kayla, which led to an argument about how tough her life had been with her mother and what an adjustment it was for her to live with him.
And I told him that this was even more reason to pull in the reigns with her as he was asking for trouble by giving her all the freedom he does, and that he wasn’t doing her any favours by letting her having her way all the time. He denied this, and I truthfully told him that I had never in my life met a parent as pliant as he is.
Daddy I want a new phone and it must be an iPhone 6 S.
Ok darling, here’s your phone.
Now what 13 year old needs the most expensive, top of the range phone??? I’m sitting with a 5 year old Blackberry Torch which [mostly] does its job just fine
Daddy I want take-away’s three times a week.
Ok sweetheart, anything you want.
Daddy I want to sleep at my boyfriends house.
Ok my angel, of course you may.
Daddy I don’t want to make my bed.
Ok love, I’ll do it for you
And so it goes.
This then led to me bringing up her disrespect for him in the way that she issues demands and refuses to do things; and does so in such a rude manner that even I cringe. He starting denying this too, until I mimicked the way she spoke to him on Sunday night, refusing to go home to fetch her bag. Funny how I got raised eyebrows at my tone, but when she speaks to him in the same manner, it’s acceptable.
He said he was so used to women in his life talking to him like crap, that he doesn’t notice it when he daughter does it. Bull shit.
I told him that he can’t expect me to sit by and listen to her disrespect my boyfriend like that, and if it had been anyone else that had spoken in that way, I’d have called them out on it, but because it was his daughter, I expected him to do so.
He still doesn’t see that it’s a problem, and says that she speaks to him like that all the time and it’s just a joke.
Jaysus dude! Seriously? Is that how you want your daughter to grow up?
Again there were excuses of her mother, and that’s how she grew up, but that she was making progress [I’d hate to know what she was like before he lived with him then!]. We reached a bit of a stale-mate as he doesn’t see this as a major problem, and I told him that I would speak to her about it if it was done in my presence again.
Finally we got onto the issue of Kayla not making the bed in the mornings. Again, he was defensive on his daughter saying that perhaps she didn’t understand the instruction.
This is when I lost it and nearly tippled the entire hot pot of innards on his head.
I asked him what could possibly be misinterpreted by “you are not leaving here until your bed is made” and being told it THREE times.
He still insisted it was purely a misunderstanding and that she wasn’t intentionally disobeying my instructions.
Then I asked him why he didn’t just leave for work at his appointed time and let me to take her to school. A block away from Angel’s school, it’s hardly out my way … and his reason …
“Because she has a routine of being at school at 06h45 and I don’t want to disrupt that.“
“So it’s more important for her to be at school at hour early to meet up with her boyfriend than to attend to her chores?“
Can you believe that he actually had to think about that, and insisted that her routine shouldn’t be altered.
Realising that I was fighting a losing battle, I told him that I had a perfect solution to the problem of Kayla always forgetting her school uniform and not making her bed on a Monday …
That they should go back home on a Sunday evening and not stay over at my place.
He didn’t even object and agreed that they would do that until the problem was solved.
Great – nothing like letting a spoilt teenager dictate the pace of our relationship.
Before Kevin left for work this morning, with Kayla in tow; he came to inform me, with a big smile on his face – that Kayla had made her bed. It just happens to be the day when the maid comes in and the bedding is changed – but hey – it’s a start.