I feel like I’ve been hit over the head with a bottle of rum; and then my attacker stabbed me in the already throbbing noggin with the shards of Red Heart; and just when the wound is oozing with blood, they flick drops of the booze that was pooling at my feet. Or was that piss?
Yup, I’m in pain.
I didn’t realise how badly the anesthetic would burn as it wound its way through the cells in my head; but bloody hell I felt like a Tibetan self-immolator.
The procedure took longer than expected; instead a 10 minute cut, pick and stitch; it took Doc an hour to scrape off bits of cyst that had broken up under the skin. Of course I felt nothing at the time, but the sound of the scraping against my skull was </em>grillerig<em>to say the least.
Unfortunately the nodule wasn’t whole like the previous one I had removed; instead Doc had to literally dig around my head searching for minute keratin splinters of the cyst.
As for the pap smear; that was no joke!
Unfortunately that was also a rather invasive procedure, with Doc digging deep to find my cervix, not unlike an inexperienced teenage boy searching for the illusive G-spot. So when she asked,
“So Harmony, have you got anyone new in your life?”
I didn’t know whether it was an insinuation or small talk, but I retorted,
“Nah, my cervix and I are too shy to date.”
Well that put an end to any awkwardness and Doc and I had a hearty giggle. My laughing obviously loosened the necessary muscles, because that part of the examination was unceremoniously concluded.
Thank heavens for that.
I’m not feeling great today, I didn’t get much sleep due to the pain, and fear of accidentally lying on the wound, so every movement woke me up as I’m generally a great tosser (not!) and turner.
In the absence of real drugs, I’ve been taking paracetamol; but I might as well have been throwing back Smarties for all the pain relief they’ve offered.
The highlight of the day was catching so many friends and family with a wicked April Fool’s joke. I uploaded a photo of my stitched wound, with the following update;
“That’ll teach me to get into a bar fight. 3 stitches and a moerse headache.”
I watched with glee as the comments came in, with Blondie’s taking first prize:
“WHAT????? BAR FIGHT??? WHAT DID I MISS??? WHY DIDN’T YOU CALL ME???? IM NOT UP FOR ASSAULT CHARGES FOR NOTHING LOL”
It was only after receiving a very concerned call from my Daddy that I admitted it was an April Fools joke.
Happy Easter to those celebrating,
may Little Bunny Foo Foo bring you lots of eggs!
If you’re looking for me,
I’ll be on a yacht somewhere on the Vaal Dam.
~ ♥ ~