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Stitches

… it had me in stitches

I feel like I’ve been hit over the head with a bottle of rum; and then my attacker stabbed me in the already throbbing noggin with the shards of Red Heart; and just when the wound is oozing with blood, they flick drops of the booze that was pooling at my feet. Or was that piss?

Yup, I’m in pain.

I didn’t realise how badly the anesthetic would burn as it wound its way through the cells in my head; but bloody hell I felt like a Tibetan self-immolator.

The procedure took longer than expected; instead a 10 minute cut, pick and stitch; it took Doc an hour to scrape off bits of cyst that had broken up under the skin. Of course I felt nothing at the time, but the sound of the scraping against my skull was </em>grillerig<em>to say the least.

Unfortunately the nodule wasn’t whole like the previous one I had removed; instead Doc had to literally dig around my head searching for minute keratin splinters of the cyst.

As for the pap smear; that was no joke!

Unfortunately that was also a rather invasive procedure, with Doc digging deep to find my cervix, not unlike an inexperienced teenage boy searching for the illusive G-spot. So when she asked,

“So Harmony, have you got anyone new in your life?”

I didn’t know whether it was an insinuation or small talk, but I retorted,

“Nah, my cervix and I are too shy to date.”

Well that put an end to any awkwardness and Doc and I had a hearty giggle. My laughing obviously loosened the necessary muscles, because that part of the examination was unceremoniously concluded.

Thank heavens for that.

I’m not feeling great today, I didn’t get much sleep due to the pain, and fear of accidentally lying on the wound, so every movement woke me up as I’m generally a great tosser (not!) and turner.

In the absence of real drugs, I’ve been taking paracetamol; but I might as well have been throwing back Smarties for all the pain relief they’ve offered.

The highlight of the day was catching so many friends and family with a wicked April Fool’s joke. I uploaded a photo of my stitched wound, with the following update;

“That’ll teach me to get into a bar fight. 3 stitches and a moerse headache.”

I watched with glee as the comments came in, with Blondie’s taking first prize:

“WHAT????? BAR FIGHT??? WHAT DID I MISS??? WHY DIDN’T YOU CALL ME???? IM NOT UP FOR ASSAULT CHARGES FOR NOTHING LOL”

It was only after receiving a very concerned call from my Daddy that I admitted it was an April Fools joke.

Hehehe.

happy easter

Happy Easter to those celebrating,
may Little Bunny Foo Foo bring you lots of eggs!

If you’re looking for me,
I’ll be on a yacht somewhere on the Vaal Dam.

~ ♥ ~

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