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confused

We’ll return to the rerun of the kak cop soon. More pressing matters at hand.

Despite our [no, not ourhis ban] ban on chatting / seeing each other until our date on Saturday … I heard from Liam today.

Now let me start by saying I did not like the idea of no communication for this week. As I have admitted [to my blog, most definitely not to him!] I have way too many emotional issues to deal with in trying to decipher whether this means he’s lost interest in me, or if he’s already met someone else, or if he’s just not a big communicator.

The fact that he may genuinely want to build up anticipation for our date is totally lost on me. I honestly cannot fathom it, so naturally my mind wonders … to dark places. Not good but that’s how I’m wired. However, not wanting to alert him to my irrational insecurities, I agreed to his idea. [I’m really trying to do things differently.]

And then he sends a long Whatsapp message this afternoon that sent me on the familiar and nauseating roller coaster …

Liam’s text and Harmony’s thoughts.

Hi there. Hope you are doing okay. *Big grin emoticon*

Harmony smiles.

My team lost again and I am not dead.

Harmony rolls her eyes – no sympathies for anyone who supports Man United.

Just suuuuuuper busy at work.

I know … and I wasn’t expecting to hear from you anyway.

I might be working on Saturday *downcast face emoticon*

Oh shit. He’s going to cancel our date.

Well early and then I have to go to the dentist.

Oh god. He’s definitely going to cancel!

So it gets worse.

The date is cancelled. *sob*

It might get even worse on Saturday.

Yup, a few days of no contact and he’s already lost interest.

But I won’t jinx it.

Say what?

If I end up eating only soup … please don’t think I am being funny.

Huh? We’re still on?

I wanted to postpone but …

DON’T DO THIS TO ME!!!

then I didn’t *big grinning emoticon*

Nauseous with confusion

Hope you have a good day.

Bah humbug.

1st draft response:

Hey you, listen let’s just cancel Saturday night. It’s gonna be a bit hectic with you working and going to the dentist so don’t stress, we’ll get together another time. Have a great day too.

*backspace*

*delete*

2nd draft response:

Hey you, shame man, are you sure you still want to go ahead? I don’t mind if we postpone for next week – it won’t be fun if you’re tired and miserable from work and dentist. Lemme know, k. Have a great day! *smiley face*

*backspace*

*delete*

3rd draft response

Hey you, sorry about your team losing; that sucks – but like you say – you’re still alive and kicking. *smiley face* Jeez you’ve got a hectic Saturday ahead of you … work AND dentist – that’s torture. Sorry! *shattered face* I’m glad you haven’t cancelled … I’m going for the good company – the food is just a bonus … *wink face*

*send*

Good company … Yeah you too great … lovely … time just flew by woooooow past 3 already

And then my phones goes off again

….

an email

oh dear God

*the tears start flowing*

not from Liam

*can’t breath*

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