Ok fine, so here’s what went down this weekend. As I wrote on Friday afternoon, Fabian and I were due to spend the weekend together, as was by now custom. Also important to note is how down I was last week, due to various factors.
On Friday afternoon I sent Fabian a message asking whether we were going out clubbing, or having a quiet evening home. He said that he hadn’t thought that far ahead and would let me know later.
After work – I finish at 13h00 on a Friday – I went to the bottle store and bought two quarts of Storms. I really wasn’t in the mood to go clubbing and thought I could convince Fabian that we stay home for the evening and have a few drinks.
At around 18h00 he texted to say that he was with Robert [obviously drinking] and was then going home. My jaw just dropped, as we had said, no he had said several times during the week that he was coming over for the weekend, so WTF was with the ‘going home’?
Now let me interrupt this sad little tale to say that I didn’t really care whether I saw him or not, truthfully that was not the issue at hand. The problem was that I am a slight [ok, more than slight] control freak with major issues, and I do not like change.
I’d sooner do something I don’t want to do, or go somewhere I don’t want to be if I’ve already committed to it, than change plans. I hate it when people change plans at the last minute. It freaks me out to the point of a panic attack, seriously.
Anyway, I took a deep breath and decided not to argue about it [very difficult]. He asked what I was doing and I said I was just lying on my bed relaxing, he then quizzed why I wasn’t going out as I indicated that I wanted to go clubbing. [hey, what you smoking boy?]
For some bizarre reason I started thinking about Beloved at about this time. It’s taken me months not to obsess about him, so why he crossed my mind at that moment god only knows.
I’d already had contact with two exes recently [coffee with an ex-fiance – surprised no-one has grilled me on that, and then my ex whose father passed away] so perhaps I was feeling nostalgic about my past.
I decided to have a look at our old blog that we shared – I last posted there in December so I wasn’t expecting anything new as I was the major contributor. So imagine my shock and surprise to find a poem he wrote and posted on Valentines Day.
Fuuuuuck! Luckily there was no feelings of longing or loving [yay, I must be over him at long fucking last] but reading his words did fill me with more sadness [like I didn’t already have enough].
I continued chatting with Fabian, telling him that I didn’t have money to go out clubbing and hence I would be sipping on Storm in the comfort of my own home. He replied that he was also too broke to go out, so I invited him to come and join me [why I should even invite him after we already had plans to be together is beyond me, but anyway.]
He said yes, that he would like to come over and relieved that the original plans were back on track, I lay down on my goose-down pillows and rested my eyes awaiting Fabian imminent arrival.
~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~