Daily Prompt: Flawed
What is your worst quality?

Love Hate

My most imperfect personality trait would be self destructive behaviour.

This includes:

Self harm [cutting, threats of suicide]
I no longer cut myself, but at times I still have to fight the suicidal thoughts that overpower my mind; springing from something as petty as being cut off in traffic; to the severity of the demise of a relationship. It also doesn’t help that my supply of Prozac was cut off.

Promiscuous sex [and inappropriate relationships]
In in my defense, I really do attract the cheaters, liars, losers, abusers. But ok, I’ll own this, however I am a work in progress and throughout the disastrous dating, I did not and I repeat, I did not have any inappropriate sex. [or any other kind for that matter!]

Substance abuse [drugs and alcohol]
The alcohol is under control; I stopped drinking for several months and now find that I can only tolerate a drink or two. As for the drugs, I don’t go near the hard tack [an OD will do that to you] – and weed, well it’s merely a herb. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Reckless driving [recent motorcyling comes to mind]
And then people wonder why I never leave town. It is easiest [read safer] not to get behind the wheel a highway when I am alone, and also prudent not to drive a powerful / fast car. Oh and I did put a stop to the motorbike rides. So that’s 10 points for me.

I stumbled upon this extremely interesting excerpt from an article on self destruction, which could explain the history behind my fatal flaw [not that I’m all too keen on too much self reflection right now]:

Development of Self-Destruction

Like all negative personality traits, self-destruction is a dysfunctional defensive pattern which develops through the following sequence:

1.  Early negative experiences
2.  Misconceptions about the nature of self, life or others
3.  A constant fear and sense of insecurity
4.  A maladaptive strategy to protect the self
5.  A persona to hide all of the above in adulthood

… living with the love/hate relationship I have with me, myself and I …