Dear Adriana,

Sweetheart I am absolutely thrilled to hear from you, although I have been racking my brain as to how we know each other. I can’t believe I’d ever forget a horny 23-year old! However, if you claim we chatted on Facebook and I subsequently deleted you, that’s quite possible as I am prone to deleting so-called friends at whim.

Hmmm, as for me calling you ‘cute’; honey I never refer to horny 23 year olds as cute. I have a Thesaurus full of words that I’d ordinarily use, but I assure you [and you can ask my friend MG about this] I don’t ever use the words ‘cute’ or ‘nice’ unless I’m referring to a kitten or a puppy. So perhaps you misunderstood me when I said your pussy was cute. I was referring to Boo.

With regards to your reference to my balls … I didn’t realize I had discussed me being a hooker with you, or anyone else for that matter.  Did I also mention how good I am at scoring?  I’ve attached a picture of me with one of my balls, and as you can see it’s quiet clean, so I’m not sure why you’d want to give it a lick – but hey! Whatever floats your boat!

I’m so sorry to hear about your student loans, but honey; and I mean this with all kindess; don’t you think you should ask for a refund?  I don’t know where you studied, but judging by your spelling, grammar and typing skills, they didn’t do a very good job.

Speaking of jobs, of course I can assist you in finding employment! It just so happens that I know of an establishment where you’ll fit right in. Attached are the contact details for Mike’s Kitchen in Rosebank. Just tell them the White Berry Chick sent you, they’ll know who I am.

I’d love to stay and chit-chat but I have to empty my junk mail box and thereafter load anti-spam software on my email account – busy busy busy!

On that note, I probably won’t hear from you again, you know … between our respective PC troubles and all that; so I just want to wish you all the best with your move … and hey, don’t write off those cousins just yet, I have four that I’m extremely close to and they’ve got me through the toughest of times!

Big kisses